From the First Note Played
by CharWright5
Summary: ON HIATUS DO NOT ASK FOR AN UPDATE
1. Ending Right After It Begins

_**A/N:**__This is an AU fic, meaning BTR never existed and most of them aren't friends. It's the third part in a series, meaning you need to read the other fics first. Title from "Superstar" by Taylor Swift._

_Rated M for __language, explicit (and technically underage) sex, douchebaggery, emotional constipation, references to terrible parenting, being a bad friend, and references to underage drinking and drug use._

_Thank you to everyone for being understanding in this taking so long. I honestly didn't think it'd be this far into the year before I finally got this up but I got stuck in a Sterek shaped hole and kinda didn't want out (SORRY SORRY!). Another thanks to Nath for reading this thing over when I was too lazy to proof it all that well, all the while we spammed James about pancakes. Stiles can't participate in shenanigans without Scott 3_

_Anyhoo, enjoy the fic! Lemme know whatcha think! *mwahs*_

* * *

Kendall Knight wasn't all that religious. He wasn't really much of a believer in anything really. Hard to be when your birth dad bails on you when you're a tiny baby and your step-dad leaves because you think you might be gay. Plus there were terrorist attacks, pedophiles, murderers, rapists, diseases, natural disasters, all kinds of shit that made the world a terrible fucking place. It all made it hard to think that there was an all-powerful being up in the sky that loved people and considered them his favorite creation.

However, there were times when he thought maybe Heaven could possibly exist. And laying on his back on a hotel bed, totally blissed out from a fourth round of sex within a twelve hour period, the cause of his orgasms laying on his stomach next to him, he thought that maybe that was Heaven itself.

Turning his head, Kendall looked at the gorgeous, possible deity laying fucked out next to him. His skin was an even tan that went almost all over, a small sliver of lighter skin exposed from where the sheet lay low over his perfect ass. Long lashes lay over high cheekbones, lids hiding eyes that were about fifty shades of green and brown all swirled together. A strong jaw lay on the pillow, kiss-swollen lips curved up in a small smile, and his brown hair was mussed up from a combination of sex and sleep. Further down, the blond could see scratches on a sculpted back, arms corded with thick muscles laying over his own lean torso, the tan more evident against his pale skin. The man was pure perfection in a six-foot package, the star of countless fantasies by females—and males—worldwide, an international pop star with numerous platinum records and top ten hits.

And he was all Kendall's.

James. Fucking. Diamond.

It was hard to believe that a huge celeb like James would be interested in a lowly Minnesotan teenager like Kendall, yet he was. Sure, their relationship hadn't been easy, their path to actually being boyfriends filled with more ups and downs than a Six Flags theme park. But they made it, were together, an actual official couple. Granted a couple on the downlow since the singer was still closeted, but still. An actual couple. Kendall had somehow managed to land the hottest guy on the planet and have the guy wanna be with him in a committed relationship.

What the fuck was his life?

He ran his fingers through brown locks, scratching the back of James' head and relishing the pleased groan he got in response, the way the elder male moved his head to get more contact. He loved moments like this, when it was just the two of them, no fans or press or intrusive members of inner-circles—his own friends and family included. It was as though the entire world boiled down to just him and James and the bed they were sharing, the air they were breathing.

Just sucked it was gonna be over soon.

Downside of dating a celeb: you had to share them.

Kendall wasn't one for sharing.

But as he saw the other male's lips curve up into a bigger smile, felt a muscular body undulate against his lean one, he figured he could learn. If for no other reason than it meant moments like this could happen more often.

And the moments before when James was simultaneously on top and inside of him. After all, he _was_ a teenage boy, complete with raging hormones, a boner-on switch with a hair trigger, and a boyfriend who could make him come from his voice alone.

Kendall moved his hand down, fingers scratching at the brunet's neck, lower onto the musculature of his back. Barely there nails gently scraped up and down the smooth skin he found there, feeling the raised skin of earlier scratches. He trailed his fingers as low as he could reach, feeling over the flesh of his ass that peeked over the sheet, the skin warm and sensitive from when Kendall had slapped it, demanding the other male go harder, faster, pound his ass. He squeezed the globe, fingertip lightly trailing between the crack and just barely tapping at his hole. A hole only Kendall had ever been inside.

Just the thought was enough to make him shudder, make his dick twitch in a valiant effort to get hard, despite his body being bone deep exhausted and his balls more than likely completely empty.

James breathed out a low moan, writhing against the leaner male, head burrowing into a pale chest. His arm wrapped tighter around the younger one, pulling him closer, tighter, lips parting to let out a shaky exhale. The teenager felt the shiver that raced over the singer's body, felt his own lips quirk up at the corners in a lazy grin.

"No more," James groaned, voice rough, and Kendall had an absent thought about how it was lucky his tour was over. No way could he sing sounding like that.

A small chuckle left the blond on a gust of air, his chest jostling the elder male who simply nuzzled further into him. "You act like _you_ were the one getting your ass pounded."

"Pretty sure you asked for it. Literally." The words were muffled against bare skin, but the teenager was still able to understand him. "Besides, you're younger and have a better stamina than me."

"That's right," Kendall replied softly, almost distantly, as his hand shifted back to the other male's head, fingers absently running through brunet locks. "I keep forgetting you're an old man."

That had James' head shooting up, hazel-green eyes narrowed in a glare. Despite the scowl—or maybe because of—Kendall's breath was still taken away by the man before him. His cheeks were red, flushed, jaw covered in beard burn due to the blond's recent lack of shaving. His skin glowed, shiny with sweat, his bangs sticking to his forehead. His lips were kiss-swollen, blurred red, a slight bruise on the bottom one where Kendall had gotten too carried away during round two—or maybe it was three—and had bitten slightly too hard. James hadn't complained.

Not until after anyway when he'd gone to the bathroom to grab a washcloth to clean them both off and he'd gotten a look in the mirror, returning with threats about how lucky the blond was that he didn't have a photoshoot coming up.

The numerous hickeys on his chest, shoulders, and neck, he admitted, could be covered by make-up and/or clothing.

Kendall had smirked, proud of the way he'd marked his boyfriend up, while internally demanding that James be clothed at all times. Except when in bed with the teenager. Duh.

_No one_ got to see _any_ of that. Only Kendall.

He wondered if it was too early to be this possessive over a guy. Then he decided he didn't give a fuck.

"I'm not old," James argued, still scowling, voice a gravelly rumble. A very _sexy_ gravelly rumble. "Twenty-two is not old."

"It's ancient," Kendall teased, smirking, dimples displayed through short whiskers. His fingers continued to play with the hair on the back of the other male's hair, feeling the sweat still clinging to the chestnut locks and resisting the urge to just shove his nose in it and just _smell_. He wasn't a fucking werewolf or some shit.

Although that _would_ be cool.

The brunet rolled his eyes and he snorted. "Say that in five years when you're this age."

Kendall wanted to point out that it would only be about four years, that his birthday was coming up in a couple months, but kept his mouth shut, if for no other reason that it would possibly add to James' argument. Besides, no need to point out the fact that they'd technically spent the night before engaging in illegal activities—repeatedly. And it wasn't like it was the first time Kendall had done something that was frowned upon in the eyes of the law, and really, it was no biggie, since they were currently in Minnesota where he was of age, but still. Pointing out the age gap and the fact that they couldn't fuck in all fifty states yet—which he mentally added to his bucket list—was kind of a no-no.

And at the moment, Kendall was actually all about behaving and avoiding the no-nos.

He seriously needed to stop using the term "no-no". He was seventeen, not fucking seven.

"In five years, you'll be even more ancient," he argued back, his own voice feeling a little rough. Understandable really when he thought about how at one point he actually _screamed_.

Which he is still in denial about.

Because it hadn't actually happened and James is a filthy liar who plays dirty and preys on one's weaknesses. With his teeth.

Which brought Kendall back to the whole werewolf thing...

He needed to stop thinking about werewolves. Or stop watching "Teen Wolf".

His mind flashed through all the shirtless guys the show featured and, no, he wasn't gonna stop watching it.

Not that he was addicted to the drama, the supernatural elements, the suspense, the terror—more denial. He just appreciated a good six-pack.

As evidenced by the ripped male he was currently sharing a bed with.

James frowned at Kendall's comeback, hazel-green eyes narrowing as they locked onto green ones, the glare intensifying at the sight of the blond's growing smirk of victory. Whatever. Wasn't Kendall's fault James was a sore loser and couldn't handle him having a good point.

Which he clearly did.

The brunet opened his mouth to argue, only to be cut off by his iPhone alarm sounding out. Still halfway laying on top of the leaner male, he leaned over and grabbed it from where it sat on the nightstand, killing the obnoxious noise with a sigh.

The teenager withheld a sigh of his own, smirk disappearing as his face fell. It was an hour and a half until his early-morning curfew, and while he was thankful as fuck to his mom for giving him the night off from being grounded and allowing him to spend time with the guy he was falling—had fallen? Maybe? Whatever—for, it was a knife to the chest when he realized it was nearly over. He had no idea how long James had planned to be in town, when he needed to go back to LA, and during their time together, he hadn't thought to ask.

Mostly because his mouth had been otherwise preoccupied, but that wasn't really the point.

No, the point was that his time with James was nearly over. Kendall would get dropped off at his place and James would...well, would go somewhere, the blond wasn't sure. And with the pop star's crazy tour schedule and hectic life, who the fuck knew when they'd be together again, when they'd be face-to-face without the aid of a webcam, when they'd be able to talk without a cell phone being involved. It could be months before Kendall would be able to get one-on-one time in the singer's presence.

Assuming he was ever ungrounded and actually managed to graduate high school and fully got his shit together.

Basically, a miracle needed to happen.

Dropping his head, James nuzzled into the crook of Kendall's neck, inhaling deeply as the younger male wrapped his arms around the elder, holding him close. His fingers still played with the brunet's hair, memorizing the feel, the texture, the way it slid between his digits. Pictures helped with the look, remembering the length and the color and the way it was swept to the left whenever James did that head flip thing he was prone to doing whenever his bangs started to get in the way of his eyes. But everything else couldn't be captured that way, making those things easier to forget. The scent of James; how smooth his skin was everywhere except his palms, roughened from daily weight lifting; the way he'd shiver and choke out a gasp when a finger was rubbed over his nipples; the exact feel of his muscular frame pushing Kendall's leaner one into the mattress or the wall or wherever the hell he wanted the teenager to be.

Kendall didn't wanna forget a single detail.

He was terrified it would happen anyway.

James was the first one to move after a long moment of silence that consisted of nothing but them clinging to one another, neither seeming to wanna let the other go. He raised his eyes, apologetic expression on his face, eyes turned down at the corners.

"We need to go shower," he said lowly, reluctantly, not wanting to acknowledge what they both knew: that their time together was almost over and they were about to go one step closer to yet another goodbye.

Kendall wondered how many would happen between them.

He quickly decided he didn't wanna know.

Besides, the hellos always made the goodbyes worth it, no matter how much they hurt at the time or how lonely one became between the separation and the reunion. Because the hello meant they were together, and the togetherness was what kept them both going.

Taking a deep breath, he nodded, knowing they were just delaying the inevitable. Putting off getting up and going to the shower would accomplish nothing, except an embarrassing moment with his mom as he greeted her and tried to pretend he didn't have come on his stomach and lube in his ass and that he didn't reek of sex.

That was one first he _never_ wanted to experience. Ever. At all.

That thought in mind, Kendall rose to a sitting position, the action causing James to move as well. The two of them got to their feet, the blond reaching his arms above his head and ignoring the slight burn in his ass, instead focusing on the good version of the same sensation as his muscles stretched. The brunet playfully slapped a hand to his stomach, causing him to glare at the pop star, the action intensifying at the chuckle he got in response.

"C'mon, cutie," James goaded, reaching out and taking hold of Kendall's hand as he dropped both to his sides. "You wash my back and I'll wash your's."

"You just don't wanna wash yourself. Lazy ass diva," he replied with a smirk, tangling his fingers with the other male's, relishing the differences in their skin both physically and aesthetically. It was another thing he was gonna miss when he was gone, how soft James' skin always seemed to be, especially when compared to Kendall's.

"Di-_vo_," the brunet corrected, rolling his eyes and huffing as he rounded the end of the bed, pulling a willing teenager behind him. "Seriously, when are you guys gonna get that shit right?"

Kendall stumbled over a pair of discarded jeans—his own, judging by the chains tangled up in the denim—smirk slightly falling as he righted himself, fingers tightening their hold on the other male's. "Probably 'bout the same time you stop fucking calling me 'cutie'."

The singer muttered out a "never gonna happen" as he entered the bathroom, releasing Kendall's hand while he made his way to the shower.

The metal-head shut the door behind them—more outta habit than necessity really—and leaned back against it. His legs still felt like jello and he felt physically exhausted after a long night of sex and napping.

So much for teenage libido.

His eyelids drifted down and he didn't bother stopping them, exhaling audibly through his nose as he slumped. He heard the sounds of the shower curtain being pushed back, the rumple of vinyl and the clanging of metal rings, followed by the water being cut on. It wasn't long before the steam from the shower made itself known, filling the small room with its warmth and making him feel even more boneless. He felt his knees start to give as his back slipped down the door a couple inches, gravity trying to pull him down. He was just about to give in when a hand grabbed hold of his wrist, gently tugging him up.

Kendall opened his eyes to see a smiling James holding him, guiding him closer, until the two of them were connected from thigh to chest. A lazy grin spread across the blond's features, arms loosely draping themselves over broad shoulders, forehead resting on another. He found himself wishing his legs weren't so tired, that his toes weren't so sore, that his entire body wasn't so...okay, he was too tired to think of the word to describe how he was feeling. Fucked-out? Maybe?

But no matter what, he wished he wasn't so... _that_ so he could stand there in James' arms forever. Because all too soon, it was gonna be over.

Fuck.

James wrapped his arms around the leaner male's waist, kissing his forehead and letting his lips linger, thumbs rubbing the small of his back in soothing motions. Kendall's eyes closed once more and he inhaled deeply, relaxing under the touch and scent of the other male. He didn't know when he'd turned into such a cheesy romantic asshole, but all he really needed in life was the brunet.

Well, that, plus a shower.

They broke apart from their embrace at the same moment, both stepping into the shower, James allowing Kendall first turn under the spray. The blond relished the feel of the hot water sluicing down every inch of him, washing away various bodily fluids from previous activities. Eyes closed, he tilted his head back, sighing contently as the water slid over his skin, rasping over the scruff on his cheeks, chin, and jaw, collecting on his collarbone before dripping further down.

He heard the pop of a cap and the squirt of something before he felt the washcloth on his torso. His eyes shot open and he looked down to see James washing his chest in wide circles, the action relaxing. He didn't bother trying to fight the small smile that slowly turned up the corner of his lips, leaning back so his shoulders and head were resting against the shower wall, letting the other male wash him.

James methodically washed the leaner male's chest, abdomen, obliques, before starting on his back. Kendall straightened up then, pressing himself into the other male's broader frame, wrapping his arms around his waist. He rested his hands on strong shoulder blades, kissing the swell of a shoulder before resting his cheek on it, eyes closing again as he leaned into his boyfriend.

God, his _boyfriend_. He didn't think he'd ever get used to using that term.

He didn't think he'd want to.

Sweet kisses were pressed to his damp hair, his neck, his shoulder, the actions tender rather than arousing, as they had been only moments before. The cloth washed his back, rubbing, circling, and lulling the teenager into a sense of calm and peace he hadn't felt in ages.

Until it got to his hole.

Kendall hissed, pressing himself closer to the larger male, fingers clawing at his back as he tried to get away from the unpleasant feeling. James stilled against him, cloth on a cheek of his ass, unmoving. The blond calmed, breathing out a swear as he relax, lifting his head to meet concerned hazel-green eyes and worried tilt of kiss-swollen lips.

"I'm okay," he reassured, the corner of his own lips turning up. "A li'l sore, but okay. Just shocked me is all."

The singer's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, nodding, believing what the other male was saying.

And it'd been the truth. Kendall wasn't hurting as much as he had been the previous weekend, probably because he hadn't waited so long to get fucked again.

A small worry nagged at the back of his head, a fear that he had no idea when the two of them would be together again and that in all possibility he was in for another long dry spell and then he'd be hurting again when they were finally reunited and—

And he needed to fucking slow his roll.

Seriously.

It wasn't gonna be that bad. The two of them had already participated in phone sex—which, holy fuck, James' voice wasn't just talented for singing—and Kendall was sure it wouldn't take too much work to upgrade to Skype sex. He'd just keep himself stretched with his fingers, make sure that when he finally had the singer alone and naked again, he was adequately prepared and ready for the rough pounding they both seemed to enjoy so much.

A rough pounding he needed to stop thinking about, because now his dick was getting ideas and he seriously just couldn't have any more sex.

Was that even possible?

Seriously, where the fuck had his teenage stamina gone?

Framing the brunet's face, Kendall kissed him sweetly, feeling the other male relax with the action, kissing back. Their lips moved in a well-practiced rhythm, both lost in the joining. And when the cloth rubbed at his entrance again, he didn't hiss or flinch or react in any way, except to press back against it and welcome the new invasion.

Apparently his libido just needed a breather and was roaring back to life.

James didn't tease, didn't rub, didn't press. He cleaned Kendall's hole, taking care not to hurt him or cause any further discomfort.

Their kiss ended so the brunet could kneel down, washing the blond's legs and feet one at a time, allowing the teen to use him for balance. Body clean, he rose to his feet, thoroughly washing the leaner male's hair before gently turning them around, putting himself under the spray.

Kendall grabbed for the washcloth, only to have it taken out of his hand, a quick kiss pressed to his lips.

"Just sit and relax. I got this."

The blond was too tired to argue, shuffling back a step or two before he hit the seat built into the shower. He sank down onto it, leaning back against the wall and shutting his eyes again. It seemed like he'd just gotten settled when the water was shut off, hands on his waist as he was helped up and out the shower.

They dried each other off, exchanging kisses every now and then. Kendall tried not to think about how incredibly domestic the whole thing seemed, failing as his mind conjured up images of them five, ten, fifteen years in the future, still showering together and helping each other dry off inside the bathroom of their own home. He thought about discussions of what their days were gonna hold, James talking about a song he was working on and Kendall bringing up...well, whatever the hell his job was gonna be. He hadn't quite figured that out. But he could still picture the normalcy of the whole thing, how everyday it would seem for them. Just two men in love, showering together as part of a morning routine before heading down to make breakfast as a pair, one cooking the eggs as the other handled the coffee.

It was never gonna happen. But it was nice to dream it, even if for a moment.

Not long after they got out the shower, the two of them were dried off and Kendall flopped the towel he'd been using over James' head, ruffing his hair and smirking.

"Dude! Not the hair!" the pop star protested, reaching up blindly to try and grab the towel.

The blond just laughed, even as the towel was ripped away from his grasp and a pissed off brunet was revealed. Instead, he just reached up and ruffled his hair with his hand.

"What? I like this look on you," he joked around, putting chestnut locks over hazel-green eyes, making the rest stick up in every direction possible, still chuckling in amusement.

"Oh, you are so dead," James practically growled, eyes narrowed at the younger male. He lunged, reaching out to take hold of the leaner male, only for Kendall to jump back out the way.

The teen kept laughing as he ran out the bathroom, past the kitchenette and living area, past the dividing screen, and into the bedroom part of the suite. He barely made it before he was tackled onto the bed from behind, letting out an "oomf!" as a hundred and eighty pounds of muscle landed on top of him.

"Asshole," James grumbled as he ruffed the blond's hair, his actions more agitated than the playful way Kendall's had been. It only served to make the younger male laugh more, which just spurred the elder one more, practically shoving his face onto the mattress.

"You love it," the teen retorted—at least he was pretty sure that had been his reply, considering his words were muffled against rumpled sheets—wiggling his ass against the other male's crotch for good measure.

The action made the singer moan, stopping what he'd been doing and burying his face in the metal-head's shoulder. "Fuck, Kendall," he breathed out harshly, the words ghosting over pale skin.

A shiver raced down Kendall's spine, causing his entire body to shudder and his eyes to drift closed. Fingers gripped at the sheet, teeth digging into his body lip as he felt hips pressed back against his ass, a long cock rubbing between his cheeks, so close to where it'd been, to where he was still stretched and open. Without giving his body the command, his own hips started moving, humping down on the mattress and back against the other male's. The action was met with a similar one, the two of them moving together in a rhythm just like one they'd been participating in only hours before.

A groan sounded out and the blond had no idea if it came from him, from his boyfriend, from both of them. His bottom lip popped out from between his teeth, a harsh breath forcing its way out from between his parted lips, his spine arching so that his stomach was pressed into the bed and his ass was rubbing against the other male. He felt his cock twitching, giving a valiant effort to fill and swell, to gear up for one more round before the couple parted ways for fuck knew how long.

Only for an alarm to go off.

"Seriously, with your fucking phone?!" Kendall snapped, head popping up from the bed and glaring in the direction the sound from hell was emanating from.

James sighed, getting up from the bed and making his way around to the nightstand on the other side. The blond muttered curses at Apple and whoever the fuck created alarms in the first place, flopping over onto his back and glaring at the ceiling as though it was responsible for the annoying beeping filling the room.

"We need to go, don't we?" he wrapped up mildly, thumb and forefinger digging into the corners of his eyes.

"Yeah." The reply came out on a low breath, barely audible, and Kendall recognized it as James' "I don't wanna say this, but I'm going to anyway" tone. Something inside the blond fluttered at the thought that the elder male was just as reluctant for them to be parted as he was, only to be trampled down by the realization that, oh yeah, they were about to leave each other.

Again.

Godfuckingdammit.

Huffing, Kendall sat up, slapping his hand on his bare thigh. He knew he should be grateful, should be thankful that his mom gave him permission to spend the night with his boyfriend—despite being older and Kendall being both underage and grounded—that his boyfriend was even in town in order for them to be together in the first place, that he was able to call James his boyfriend at all. But he still couldn't help but feel cheated at the fact that their time together was so short, that the moments being apart outnumbered the ones spent with each other.

Guess the old adage was right. One really couldn't have it all.

Ignoring the tightening in his chest, Kendall rose to his feet and shuffled over to his bag, snatching out his clean clothes and getting dressed. If he was gonna be forced to say goodbye to James, he wanted to get it over with and do it quickly.

There was a reason why one ripped band-aids off quickly.

* * *

The car pulled into the driveway of the Knight residence at 8:55 exactly, giving them five minutes to say goodbye before Kendall would get in trouble for being late. James put the rental in park, killing the engine and taking his hand off the keys, leaving them in the ignition.

Neither of them moved.

It was like the hotel all over again, when they both knew they needed to just get up and get in the shower. Only now it was get out the car and go their separate ways. But neither of them seemed to be able to do that, both sitting perfectly still, the interior of the car silent, just like he had been on the drive over.

Well, the drive over had the engine rumbling, gears shifting, and the subtle sound of James' rubbing his thumb over Kendall's hand where the two held their hands clasped on the center console.

The blond lowered his head, seeing his recently released hand laying limp on his lap. His palm was both sweaty and cold, skin tingling with the phantom sensation of a thumb rubbing over it. He was gonna have to get used to that, used to feeling things that weren't really there, struggling to remember how exactly he'd been touched and the precise way it felt to him. It was only a matter of minutes before he'd no longer have it for an unknown amount of time.

The realization of that had his chest going tight and he lifted his hand to rub between his pecs, feeling like a moron for thinking that it would do anything to ease the ache that had settled there. Really, the only thing that could cure his pain was the six-foot stunner to his left.

The six-foot stunner who was sighing in a mix of acceptance and reluctance as he smeared a hand over his face roughly.

Kendall turned and stared out the windshield, barely registering the white garage door in front of him. His entire body felt numb, sounds far away, and he was only vaguely aware of someone talking. It took him longer than he cared to admit for him to realize he'd been the one speaking.

"I should head in."

James' eyes were fixated on the center of the steering wheel, his hands cranked down around the wheel in a white knuckle grip as he nodded absently. And it wasn't like either of them could really argue with that statement. Kendall had a curfew, a pretty generous one considering the other circumstances of his life, and there was no way he could break it. Not without igniting the wrath of a fiery red-headed maternal unit anyway.

He was all about avoiding that those days.

Kendall nodded, head bobbing loosely on his neck, feeling too heavy to do anything but just let it continuously move up and down. Earlier thoughts of ripping band aids off came back and he decided to just get shit over with, to just get out the car and go, no hesitating, no looking back. Determination set in and he grabbed hold of the door handle, pulling it to open the door.

"Kendall?"

His name came out a harsh whisper and the broken way the two syllables were spoken cut him deep. Releasing the handle, he turned his head, swallowing hard to brace himself for the painful image he was about to see in the driver's seat.

Only he never got a chance to see anything.

James moved quickly, body surging towards the blond's like a tidal wave, hand wrapping around a slim neck and pulling him close. Their mouths clashed together before Kendall's mind could catch up, lips smashed between teeth in a kiss than was more pain than anything. A quick readjustment of their heads, a slight tilt to the side, and soon the kiss was more of lips moving together than being squashed and cut.

Kendall breathed harshly through his nose, trying to move closer as fingers carded through his hair at the back of his head. His own hands reached up, grabbing hold of the gray beanie the other male was wearing, the beanie that was originally the blond's, the beanie that was now a staple in the singer's daily outfit. A rush of pleasure and possession raced through him at that thought and he struggled to move closer, silently cursing whoever decided center consoles should be a thing.

Lifting his ass from the seat, he pressed in even closer to the elder male, their lips slotting together perfectly, moving in a rhythm they both knew and loved. He could feel a tingling sensation throughout his entire body, radiating from his lips, a burning heat where James gripped onto his bicep through his Henley top. His dick was twitching in his jeans, still stretched hole spasming, and all he could do was focus on the sensations, on the feel of having the other male kiss him that way, the rush it created throughout his whole being, the dizzy drunk feeling he experienced in his swirling mind.

A low groan filled the car and Kendall had trouble trying to figure out which one of them made the sound, if it even mattered. His body was heating up and all he could think about was how easy it would be to squeeze between the two front seats to slide into the back. James might have a problem, having a wider, more muscular build, but shit, they'd make it work. Anything to get them both naked and the elder male inside him once more.

The thought of such an act had him moaning, lips parting, breath harsh against the other male's lips. A tongue that wasn't his own lapped at his bottom lip and he lowered it more, reaching out with his own wet muscle to tentatively touch against the tip of the other, the sensation causing a shiver to race down his spine. The tingle got worse as he thought of other places that tongue had been, along his neck, down his chest, up his cock, in and around his hole. God, he wanted—no, _needed_ it there again and would do damn near anything to make it happen. But really, more than anything, he just needed that skin to skin contact and the physical assurance that the two of them were made for each other, that they worked well together, that they belong with one another.

James must have been thinking along the same lines, if the way his grip on Kendall became more desperate was anything to go by. He groaned, tongue sliding inside the blond's mouth, fingers tugging on scraggly locks as he pressed in closer. It was like he was trying to crawl inside the younger male, to have them be more than just pressed against one another. And the teenager had zero issues with it.

The knock that sounded on the window, however, he had several issues with.

The singer froze, entire body tense and rigid, before releasing the younger male and pulling away. Kendall sat there in a daze, eyes barely seeing James wiping his lips and putting on an awkward smile as he turned to the person standing outside his car door.

Kendall's mom.

Oh.

Fuck.

James cleared his throat, rolling the window down, giving them both a good view of the redhead as she stood with her lips pursed and twisted to the side and her brow drawn. Her arms were folded over her pink bathrobe and despite the bulky size of it, Kendall just knew she had a hip cocked out. It was her usual "I just busted you and you have five seconds to explain what the fuck you've been up to and so help you if you lie" body position, one he'd seen far too often and was hoping to avoid.

There went that whole goal.

"Good morning, Ms. Knight," James greeted her, voice full of false cheer, years of pretending he was happy in the public eye making him pretty damn good at it.

But she wasn't buying any of it, her facial expression becoming more dubious as she let out a disbelieving "uh huh" before turning her green eyes on her son. Kendall couldn't return the gaze, his own orbs focused on watching his fingers twiddle and tangle on his lap. "I came down to see if you were home yet and then saw the car pull in the driveway," she explained, tone brokering no bullshit from anyone. Even James shifted under the intensity of her words, Kendall barely able to hide the wince at the realization that, yeah, his mom had just busted him making out with his boyfriend.

Jesus, even his mom catching him in the act wasn't enough to quell the excited skip in his heartbeat at that term.

_Boyfriend._

"I was wondering when and if you two were gonna come inside."

"We were just saying goodbye," Kendall clarified, voice rough and low, hating the fact that it was the truth. Granted a more parent-appropriate version, but the truth nonetheless.

She cocked an eyebrow, a skill her son had inherited—and then some—before saying another "uh huh". "Just get inside. I'm about to make breakfast," she ordered, arms dropping to her sides. "And James," she began, voice now sweet, sugary smile on her face. The look was a genuine, if not slightly intimidating, one and Kendall wondered how she was able to switch from pissed to friendly so fucking quickly. "You are more than welcome to join us."

"Thank you, Ms. Knight," the pop star replied, nervous smile of his own playing on his lips.

She kept up her own small grin, turning the look onto her son before spinning on a fuzzy slipper and heading inside.

The two males continued to sit in the car, James rolling the window back up before turning to his passenger. "Should I be scared?" he questioned, head flipping to Kendall, brow furrowed in confusion and slight worry. "Like, should I prepare myself for an interrogation from your mom about what my intentions are with her son, random discussions about how she knows tae kwon do, scary commentary on how she's seen 'Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels' and knows how to properly hide a body, shit like that?"

Kendall's lips parted, but no words came out. All he could do was shrug and shake his head, hand smoothing down the hair at the back of his head. "Honestly? No clue. Never brought a boyfriend home before." He didn't bother adding that he'd never had a boyfriend to bring home in the first place. James already knew that.

The brunet nodded, taking the info in before inhaling deeply and blowing it out through his nose in a rush. "All right," he stated, seeming resolved. "Let's go then."

The teenager nodded, knowing there wasn't anything else to say or do, other than getting out the car. He did just that, hearing the driver's side door shut as he grabbed his duffel out the backseat. The doors locked with a dull thud, James waiting for Kendall to reach him before they walked side by side up the walkway towards the front door. He wanted to reach out and grab the singer's hand, to draw strength from feeling those long fingers tangled with his own, but held back, knowing the action wouldn't be welcome in public. Not that it mattered all that much. He could deal with no PDA, could deal with keeping things quiet, could deal with not being able to tell anyone outside of his tiny inner-circle about their relationship. After all, he had James.

Hand on the front doorknob, he turned and looked at the other male, noticing his hazel-green eyes lighting up and his lips curving into a small, genuine smile he only ever wore around Kendall. Yeah, he could definitely deal with keeping things quiet in public, as long as he got to call James his boyfriend and hold onto him in private. It was more than worth the trade-off.


	2. Of Breakfast Banter Blockin & Boyfriends

_**A/N: **__List of reasons why this took five-ever to be posted: 1. Got stuck. 2. Just didn't care. 3. Got distracted working on a different Kames fic that I gave up on. 4. Got caught up working on another fic. 5. Sterek Big Bang. 6. Just didn't wanna work on this. 7. Teen Wolf Big Bang. 8. Still didn't care. 9. Read Shingeki No Kyojin and got caught up rewatching it, watching the OVAs, watching the chibi version. 10. Got caught in another ship and became obsessed with those fics. 11. Got stuck working on plot for Teen Wolf Bigbang that I ended up giving up on because urgh. 12. Also, life._

_Reasons why I actually wrote and updated this: Linda bribed me with fanart. Like, legit, that is why. So everyone go thank her and her awesomeness otherwise this might not exist. At least not at this point in time. Whoops._

_Um, this contains negative comments towards Dancing With the Stars (because URGH at that show) and yet another reference to Star Wars (because I don't do enough of that in my every day life, but seriously, if I can work in references to things I love in real life, you bet your sweet ass I will do it.)_

_Enjoy update. Yell at me over stuff. Or don't do either of those things, it's cool either way._

* * *

Kendall dumped his bag by the bottom of the stairs, deciding to just take it up later on. His time with James was limited—and unknown—and he wasn't about to waste a second with stupid shit like putting his things away.

Until his mom stared at him with an arched brow and pursed lips.

He paused walking, eyes wide, brows raised in an innocent "what?" expression. James stopped next to him, looking back and forth between the two Knights, hand rubbing the back of his neck as he fought off awkwardness.

"Is that where bags go?" the lone female asked, focus solely on her son, hip sticking out once more.

"No, but—"

"Then go put it away."

"I will after bre—"

"No. _Now_." She gave him a hard look, eyebrows raised in a dare to argue with her again. "James isn't going anywhere and I promise not to stab him with any sharp kitchen implements in the ten seconds it requires you to take your bag to your room and come back down."

James' head snapped to Kendall's, eyes wide, silently questioning if his mom actually _would_ stab him with something. The blond ignored the look, honestly having no idea. He was new at the whole "introducing your boyfriend to your parental unit" thing, mainly because he was new at the whole "having a boyfriend" thing in the first place. His longest relationship had been a month and even that was using the term "relationship" loosely. Mainly it was a bunch of emotionless fucking until the douchebag got bored with Kendall and laughed in his face at the prospect of anything more serious or monogamous before dumping him with the phrase "if your daddy can't love you, how can anyone else?"

Because he wasn't already slightly forming abandonment issues at his birth dad bailing and his step-dad refusing to love him because he was more into D than V.

And what better way to deal with those issues than to date a pop star who would be constantly leaving him to head back to his own house in LA, when he wasn't on tour around the world.

Fuckin' eh, Kendall really lived up to the stereotypes surrounding his hair color at times.

His mom remained steadfast, eyebrow cocked in question, clearly wondering why he wasn't moving. With a sigh, he shot an apologetic look at James before turning and heading upstairs.

"And put your stuff away!" his mom called after him. "I don't want you just dumping stuff and lying about putting it away later. We both know you won't."

Dammit.

Kendall paused halfway up, grimacing, hating how well she knew him and how much of a James Blocker she was being. But a small voice inside of him was busy reminding him about his new resolution to be a good kid and less of an asshole, meaning he needed to follow his mom's orders. Plus the more he dallied on the stairs, the more time he was wasting. Better to just get it all over with and do as he was told without delay.

With a jolt, he bounded up the stairs, ignoring the sounds of his mom asking James if he liked scrambled eggs. He dumped the contents of his duffel on his bed without care, creating more of a mess next to where his school things had been left and forgotten about, before tossing his charger on his nightstand with the mental reasoning of it being in the right place so it counted as being put away, even if it wasn't plugged in or anything. He'd deal with it later, probably when he headed to bed and went to plug his phone in then got pissed that it wasn't charging and grumbling over what a piece of shit it was, only to realize it wasn't plugged into the wall.

Typical him really.

His dirty laundry was thrown in the vague direction of his hamper located inside his closet, toiletries tossed onto the bathroom counter, duffel chucked onto the closet shelf—twice, since it fell the first time 'cause the Universe was conspiring against him at that moment and taking away precious James time.

Halfway satisfied with his job, Kendall strode out his room and down the hall, teeth tugging on the knot in his bandana where it'd loosened as it sat around his wrist. He thundered down the stairs, fast, heavy footsteps drowning out the sounds of conversation he could only pick up once he'd reached the ground floor and was no longer hastily stomping with the grace of an elephant.  
"Milk, two sugars," James' voice drifted over to him, polite but with a strain Kendall had come to recognize as a sign that he was uncomfortable in the situation but knew he needed to be well-behaved and nice. It was his Pop-Star-Being-Interviewed voice and the blond _loathed_ it. He wanted the _real_ James, the sarcastic, witty, cocky, kinda bossy, sometimes scared guy that the teenager was having a hard time convincing himself he wasn't in love with.

Not that he was trying all that hard.

Although admitting it to himself and letting himself know and be aware and be okay with it wasn't really the issue. It was saying that shit out loud—and more specifically to James—that was the godawful, terrifying, gut-wrenching, heart-pounding, can't breathe oh god gonna puke everywhere problem.

He shoved his hand through his hair repeatedly, hoping to clear away the panic he felt whenever faced with the realization that he was most likely _in love_, feeling the remaining water still clinging to the damp strands transfer onto his fingers.

Oh shit. He'd come home with wet hair. And if James took his—technically _Kendall's_ but whatever—beanie off, then she'd see his wet hair, too, and it wouldn't take long for her to figure out they'd showered together.

Then again, she was probably well aware that her son was sleeping with the pop star. He'd flown out to spend the weekend with the guy, not to mention had just spent the night in a hotel room with him. His mom was well aware of what an angel her son wasn't and had even happened upon his stash of condoms and lube. She wasn't naive enough to believe that he had them _just in case_. Hell, the condom box was even opened and only had a couple left.

He should probably buy more.

Not that he had a great need for them or a whole lotta opportunities to use them, what with his boyfriend living in California.

_Boyfriend_.

Jesus, that was still a mindfuck to deal with.

That he had a _boyfriend_.

Holy fuck.

"Thank _god_," Katie sighed out overdramatically, catching Kendall's attention and bringing him back to the present. "Glad Kendall's the only freak in this house who drinks his black." She made a disgusted noise and her older brother could perfectly picture her scrunched up nose, her tongue sticking out, her head shaking. "Then again, it matches his soul pretty darn good so."

"Katie," their mom stated in warning, most likely pointing a spatula at her to back up her tone.

"What?" the younger Knight female questioned innocently, most likely shrugging and shaking her head in a "who me?" fashion and fooling absolutely no one. Except maybe James, but he obviously didn't know her well enough to not fall for it. Poor guy.

"I don't think Kendall has a black soul," James muttered, Kendall only hearing it because he'd finally reached the kitchen and was in better hearing range.

"D'aww," the blond responded in a halfway mocking manner, rubbing his hand back and forth over the beanie adorning his boyfriend's head as the older male sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. He wasn't sure if it was the words or the action, but either way, he received a glare for his behavior and he scrunched up his nose and lips, slightly shaking his head in response before smirking. James gave him a playful shove away, hiding his own grin and making the teen chuckle on his way to the coffee maker.

"There's nothing wrong with how I drink my coffee," he defended his drink of choice as he grabbed his back-up mug out the cabinet, his first one already having been absconded. A quick glance over at the pop star at the breakfast bar showed James lifting the Dethklok mug to his lips and drinking, smirk barely hidden behind black ceramic.

Jerk.

Whatever. At least he had a second mug. Even if it _was_ a Newtown High Hockey one. Coffee still tasted the same out of it and that's all that really mattered there.

"Yeah," Katie snorted from her spot next to James. "If you like drinking battery acid maybe."

Kendall rolled his eyes as he filled his mug with the dark caffeinated goodness, smirk pulling up one side of his mouth. "Just guarantees you won't steal it." Returning the carafe, he turned to his younger sister, leaning back against the counter and folding his arms over his chest, grin on his face as he blew on his drink to cool it.

The tweenager stared back with her brows furrowed in confusion and her eyes wide in horror, head slightly rearing back. "Mom, Kendall's smiling and it's freaking me out," she whined, turning towards the Knight matriarch as she stood by the stove on the island counter, right in the middle of her two kids.

"Leave your brother alone," their mom scolded lightly. "He's happy."

"It's creepy."

Kendall rolled his eyes again, the green orbs landing on the only other male in the room, James looking confused at the conversation as he turned and met the teenager's gaze. The blond mouthed a quick "later", promising to explain shit to him when the two of them were alone while simultaneously hoping the whole thing was forgotten and he wouldn't have to get into it. Ever.

His mom chastised his sister once again before ordering her and James to go sit at the table, followed by a command for Kendall to help her. The food was served up on four plates, equal amounts of scrambled eggs, toast, and sausage links, the dishes carried over. Silence descended over them as they dug in, James pausing his eating to compliment the chef and make her smile proudly.

"Thanks, sweetie," she replied cheerily, hand touching his upper arm in a way that seemed more like something one would do to another person they'd known for a while, not someone who was essentially a stranger and this was their second time being around each other.

The "sweetie" thing was different, too. Normally that nickname was reserved for her kids—and Carlos, whom she once commented was practically a third child given how much time he'd spent at the Knight house while he and Kendall were growing up—yet there she was, casually using it with James.

Something lurched in Kendall's chest at that, heart pumping irregularly inside a too tight ribcage, stomach filling with something that most definitely wasn't food. He was vaguely aware of James commenting that it'd been a while since he'd had real sausage, a fact that had Katie snarking back about how someone can actually consume fake sausages, leading to the pop star explaining the diet his trainer kept him on and how he was usually only allowed turkey meat. Strangely enough, that had segued into a back and forth banter over how turkeys needed to just be themselves and stop pretending to be something they're not and why they'd even be pretending in the first place.

"Maybe they're just scared of people judging them harshly for who they are and are afraid that people who once liked them will no longer want anything to do with them because their lifestyle isn't anything they approve of."

Kendall had a sinking feeling in his gut that James wasn't talking about turkeys with that.

He turned his head to look at the brunet on his right, noting how his hazel-green eyes were trained on his plate, fork stabbing at his eggs. The incredibly loathed mask was on his face, but his shoulders were hunched, spine curled, like he was protecting himself from whatever negative shit his mind was coming up with. The blond suddenly remembered the convo they'd had in the back of the bus, when James had told him that his mom was super close-minded and thought that bisexuality was an excuse for promiscuity, rendering her bisexual son unable to come out.

Yeah. Definitely not talking about turkeys.

Slipping his hand under the table, Kendall soon found James' on his lap, his fingers digging into his thigh, the digits curved like claws. Without hesitation, the blond pulled on it and forced it to turn over, entwining their fingers and squeezing. He wordlessly offered support, comfort, care, and above all, love. His fingers were squeezed back and the tension left James' muscles, his body language shifting to something more relaxed.

The poker face stayed and Kendall only just resisted the urge to kiss it away. His mom and Katie didn't need to see that. Plus he wasn't entirely sure how James would react to it. The blond was more than aware of the older man's being closeted and his shying away at anything remotely PDA-like. The way he'd shifted away at Kendall simply laying his head on his shoulder in the limo was proof of that. So yeah, kissing the guy in front of the rest of the Knight family was out, at least for the time being.

Not that Kendall was gonna, like, full-on make-out with him in front of his mom and sister at any point ever. Just maybe a quick peck on the cheek or lips, no biggie, completely G-rated, total Disney movie level amount of affection, that was all.

His mom put her own hand over James' as he held his fork still, no longer taking out negative feelings on his breakfast. A sympathetic smile was on her face, blue eyes full of compassion and care. "Well, those people are idiots," she stated bluntly yet softly, volume low but tone hard and brokering no argument. "And you won't find any in this house. You're safe here."

The poker face finally fucked off, the pop star giving her an appreciative smile, his eyes warm. "Thanks," he replied quietly, tightening his grip on Kendall's hand under the table.

She jostled his hand slightly before squeezing it then sliding her own hand away, returning to her food. "So, James," she began, gathering up some eggs with her fork and holding it halfway between her mouth and the plate. "How's the tour going?"

Kendall breathed out a sigh of relief at the change in topic, only aware of the tension in his own body when it left, everything in him more at ease as he listened to James, slyly slipping his hand free so he could eat.

"Actually wrapped up a couple days ago," the pop star informed her, small smile on his face now that the topic of conversation was about his career and not his lingering issues with hiding his sexuality and why he was doing it in the first place. "I'm on vacation right now before I have to start work on my next album."

"And what are your vacation plans?"

That stumped the brunet, his mouth opening then shutting before curving into a sheepish smile, a disbelieving laugh huffing out. "I have no clue to be honest. I haven't had much of a break since getting signed. Maybe even before then." He shrugged as he picked up a triangle of toast, sucking spare butter off his thumb absently. "I had an offer to join _Dancing With the Stars_ and I wa—"

"No!" Kendall immediately objected. Probably louder than necessary but whatever. That shit deserved a loud ass rejection. Because _seriously_?! "No fu—reaking way. I refuse to let you be on that crap-fest. Forbid it." He turned in his seat to fully face his boyfriend, ignoring the bemused expression on his face as he glared, his own face all business. "For. Bid. It."

"I happen to like _Dancing With the Stars_," his mom chimed in, voice slightly raised in offense, coffee mug clutched between both hands.

The blond rolled his eyes and huffed, still finding it hard to believe she watched that crap. Kendall had suffered through one episode with her and decided that was enough for forever. Granted he probably never would've watched that much had he not been toasted as fuck and sliding towards the sleepy as shit part of it, making him easily pliable and more likely to give in to her request to join him in viewing it, but still. That show _sucked_.

"Mom," he started calmly, rationally, somewhat condescendingly, but it was totally justifiable. "That show is rigged as hell. The token old celeb gets knocked out by week three, the eighties has-been makes it to the top three outta sheer nostalgia, and then the Olympian wins the whole damn thing. Rigged."

She sighed softly, head see-sawing. "Yeah, I know," she conceded, carefully setting her mug back down. "But it's still fun to watch. The Olympians are always so graceful and dance beautifully and it's always great to see Cloris Leachman try to dance or Landau Corrisian shake his hips." She wrapped up her argument by raising her hands and wiggling in her seat, lips pursed in an 'O' as she poorly imitated... well, Kendall had no clue what exactly. He figured it had to be a dance of some sort.

Not that he was paying that much attention to it, or the fact that James was grinning and letting out a low amused chuckle through a mouthful of sausage. No, he was too busy hiding his face in his hands in embarrassment. But not at her supposed dance.

"_Lando Calrissian_, Mom," Kendall sighed out, unable to believe that she couldn't remember that. The _Star Wars_ saga had been his favorite thing for his entire childhood, meaning she'd been subjected to the films and his ramblings about them countless times. Next thing you know, she'll be calling the other characters Leo Skywriter and Hans Silo and Princess Leah.

Totally embarrassing.

"Like I could forget," she replied, lightly slapping at his hands. "You only watched those films nearly every day for five straight years."

He dropped his hands with a slap on the table, mouth opening to argue and point out the fact that she _had_, in fact, forgotten and _how_ can she do such a thing, when he was cut off by her. Her mouth opened up wide with a gasp, blue eyes sparkling in amusement as she turned her head sharply to James, lips curving into a wide grin.

Oh no.

"Remind me after breakfast to show you Kendall's baby photos."

"_Mom, no!_" His objection to that was twenty times louder than his previous one about a rigged reality show featuring ballroom dancing so-called celebs and with damn good reason!

Katie giggled to the side in evil delight—typical—and James, poor James, looked torn between genuinely wanting to see them for curiosity's sake and not wanting to upset his boyfriend by doing something he so very clearly didn't want him to do.

Kendall dug his fingers into James' forearm, telepathically sending him threats of withholding any kinda sexual contact from him forever if he so much as dared look at a baby photo of him.

Forever.

Kendall could totally do it.

Maybe.

No sex with James?

Yeah, he could do it. Because he'd never be able to even look at the guy ever again after that humiliation.

No one should ever have pics of them naked in the tub—and on the toilet and in the kiddy pool and running through the sprinklers and okay, Kendall was kind of a nudist as a kid, whatever—shown to their significant other. Especially not ones with them covered in chicken pox.

Not cool.

"Oh, come on," his mom pleaded, bottom lip slightly sticking out in a small pout. "It's the first time you've ever brought anyone over. It's my job as your mom to make sure any persons of romantic interest don't leave without seeing embarrassing baby photos of my kid. What else would introducing your boyfriend to your parents be about?"

It was on the tip of Kendall's tongue to make some sorta quip about how maybe she should resign or something, but the words never made their way out. Because out the corner of his eyes, he saw James' face turn into that damn expressionless mask, saw his body stiffen up, the muscle under his hand tensing.

The change in the brunet's demeanor wasn't noticed just by him though. Katie had paused with her glass of OJ halfway to her mouth, eyebrows raised in questioning. And the playful smirk his mom had been wearing disappeared, her own brow knitting in concern as she turned to their guest.

"You okay, sweetie?" she asked in genuine worry, eyes flicking to her son briefly, Kendall focused completely on the exchange and ready to intervene if necessary. "Did I say something wrong?"

James' mouth opened and shut, opened and shut, goldfishing it as he struggled to speak. Kendall's mind raced over what his mom had said, trying to figure out what could've triggered the older man's shutdown, only for it to hit him.

"_Boyfriend_."

It wasn't that he thought James had any sort of issue with the term. Hell, James himself had asked Kendall if he wanted the title, only it would be in a "no one else would know" sorta capacity. At least no one in the general populace. The blond didn't really think his family counted. He doubted Logan would be included in that and would be informed of the change in relationship status. And there was no way Kendall wasn't telling Camille or Carlos about the recent development, if for no other reason than he couldn't hide it from them. But he trusted them with his life and with this secret and knew that there was no way they'd sell him and James out like that, not when it meant hurting their best friend and pissing him off.

But it seemed like James still wasn't entirely comfortable with anyone knowing and Kendall knew it had to do with the pop star's fear of being outed and hated on, that it all led back to his mom and her discriminatory comments against bisexuality, not realizing she was insulting her own son with her words.

Squeezing his boyfriend's forearm in reassurance, he trained his eyes on his mom and cleared his throat, partially to get her attention and partially to remove the emotional lump that had formed there, hating how scared James was and how badly he could relate. "James is remaining closeted," he stated lowly, hoping it would explain things. And judging by the long, slow nod from his mom, his point had come across loud and clear.

She gave her guest a sympathetic smile, rubbing his other forearm in a maternal way. "Your secret is safe with us," she informed him.

"Speak for yourself," Katie chimed in, leaning back in her chair, arms folded over her chest, eyes narrowed at James across the table from her. Shit. Kendall recognized that look; it was her "I'm gonna take you for everything you have" look. "I'm not keeping quiet for nothing."

James glanced at Kendall briefly, worry in his hazel-green eyes, before he focused on her. "Lifetime backstage passes sound good?" he offered, forcing a smile on his face that was probably meant to be easy-going but came across nervous as hell. At least it did to the blond; he wasn't sure if his family picked up on the other man's anxiety.

"For starters," she replied, shrugging a shoulder, face showing that she was clearly not impressed. "What else you got?"

Another glance at his boyfriend, tongue darting out to lick his lips in a habit that seemed more worried than anything. "Free merch for life?" he further offered, free hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Uh. Five grand? And the promise that when you're old enough and have a college degree, you can take over as my manager."

Katie's lips twisted to the side as she considered his proposal, before a smirk formed on her face. "Dude, I was gonna do it for free anyway," she admitted lightheartedly, causing her brother to narrow his eyes at her. Fucking Katie. "I just wanted to see what I could get outta you. I'll still take all of it, by the way."

"No, you won't," their mom decided. "The lifetime passes are fine as long as Kendall accompanies you," she altered, the mentioned male having no issue with that. "And the free merch is fine, too. We'll see about the job offer later on, but no money. That's extortion and that's illegal." She pointed a finger at her daughter in warning, eyes hard, lips pursed. "There's been enough illegal activities happening under the roof of this house."

James turned his head and looked at his boyfriend with an eyebrow cocked in confusion, but Kendall ignored the look, refusing to get into it. So far he'd managed to hide his less than glamorous past—aside from the underage drinking which the brunet clearly knew about since Kendall had _drunk-dialed him_—and he was planning on keeping his skeletons in the closet for the rest of his life—if possible.

Instead, he put a questioning look of his own on his own face, poking his boyfriend in the chest. "Do _I_ get lifetime backstage passes?"

The pop star rolled his eyes before grinning slightly. "Of course," he replied softly, taking hold of the hand that had previously been on his arm and was still repeatedly stabbing him in the pec, entwining their fingers.

Kendall leaned over and butted his head against a broad shoulder, rubbing his forehead against the brunet's t-shirt and hiding his smile. A smile that grew as James leaned his own head over and laid it on top of his, squeezing his fingers as their clasped hands sat on top of the table.

"Aww," his mom cooed, pleased smirk on her face, clearly finding the scene before her adorable.

And while the commentary caused Kendall's own grin to further expand, it had the opposite effect on James, making him tense up once again. His head shot up to a straighter position, his hand slipping out from the younger man's grip before he got a chance to tighten it to prevent his escape. James cleared his throat, adjusted the beanie on top of his head, trained his eyes down at his plate. His cheeks were red with what Kendall assumed was embarrassment, but other than that, there was no way to tell he'd just been halfway snuggling his boyfriend in front of his boyfriend's family.

Typical James, really.

His mom eyed both of them skeptically before dismissing it with a wag of the eyebrows. "So," she began then paused, holding her mug up with both hands, elbows on the table. "Are you two official now or—?" she trailed off, shrugging and shaking her head. "What exactly is going on between you two?" She brought her mug to her lips and drank as she arched an eyebrow in a silent demand to be straight with her because she was the parental figure and therefore had all the power and so help you if you lie.

The two men exchanged a look, Kendall scratching at his head with his now free hand. "Yeah, we're officially boyfriends," he confirmed, dropping his hand to the table. "But 'on the downlow, no one can know' kinda boyfriends."

She nodded as she lowered her mug, licking the remnants of coffee off her top lip. "And you're okay with this?" she asked her son, concern in her voice and in her eyes, only thinking of him and his best interests.

Kendall opened his mouth to speak, to tell her that yes, he genuinely, truly was, because he was able to be with James and that's all he wanted really, but Katie cut him off before he could utter a syllable.

"Duh," she intoned. "He gets to be with _James freaking Diamond_. Anyone would be okay with that!"

James blushed further, ducking his head as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and Kendall glared at his younger sister.

"I was actually thinking I was okay with it because he's just _James_ and not because he's _James freaking Diamond_," he argued, barely holding back the urge to stick his tongue out at her or make some sort of face, but still letting his voice hold a mocking tone before growing serious. "I don't care about the fame or notoriety or money or whatever the hell else. I wanna be with him because he's him." He wrapped it up with a shrug, thumb tracing a pattern in the wood of the table, his own head ducked down in a bashful manner. He hadn't been one for speaking his emotions like that for a while and he was overwhelmed with self-consciousness, feeling like a dork and a moron and all sorts of shit for it.

But out the corner of his eye, he saw the edge of James' lips quirk up in a tiny smile, his foot sliding over so their legs were touching from foot to knee. It wasn't much, but it was enough to calm him and settle him and make him like less of an idiot for what he'd said.

It was enough to make him believe that maybe James liked him back for the same reasons, because Kendall was just Kendall.

His mom was smiling, too, eyes shiny with unshed tears, face a mixture of pride and wonder and happiness for her son. She slid her hand over the table and laid it on top of his, squeezing his fingers and he smiled slightly at her, glad she understood what he'd said, glad she knew that he really was okay with the nature of their relationship and the secrecy surrounding it.

A comfortable silence descended over the table for a long moment before Katie broke it with a somewhat loud "I ship it!"

Their mom sighed as she pulled her hand back, giving her daughter a chastising look, one that was met with Katie's now trademark faux-innocent "who me? What'd I do?" expression. No one bought it. Not even James, who seemed more confused than anything.

The younger Knight female was ordered to clear the table, a task she completed with much grumbling, Kendall setting about on refilling coffee mugs. Dishes in the washer, Katie was then told to get upstairs and get her homework finished, something that brought about more complaining and a fear inside Kendall. His sister being sent away wasn't a good thing. It was clearly a sign that his mom was about to start a convo she wasn't supposed to be a part of or listen in on. Which meant Adults Only Convo. Which meant Super Serious Shit. Which usually meant Kendall was about to get his ass handed to him.

No. He hadn't fucked up—not lately anyway—so he wasn't in trouble.

Which obviously meant this convo was of the Mom Interrogating Child's Romantic Partner variety.

Shit.

Coffee distributed, he scooted his chair a little closer to James' before sitting, noting the quirk of his mom's eyebrow that said she saw what he did but wasn't going to comment. Whatever. He just wanted to be closer to his boyfriend for reassurance and support and maybe because he was kinda scared himself.

It'll be fine. It's no biggie. His mom was nice and she obviously liked James so there was nothing to be afraid of.

Thank god it wasn't his step-dad. Guy was a hardass. He'd rip James a new one regardless of his feelings on same-sex relationships.

His mom took a moment to blow on her coffee and take a delicate sip, careful not to burn herself on the hot liquid. Kendall's thumb found its way to his mouth and his nail between his teeth and he totally wasn't gnawing on it, he was just holding it there between his incisors, totally not the same thing.

He'd readily admit to his bouncing knee though.

Mug back on the table, the lone female folded her hands on the wood, eyes narrowed to show both boys that she wasn't fucking around and they'd better not do so themselves. "I just wanted to make sure that everything really is okay here and that everyone's intentions are pure."

Kendall cocked an eyebrow at her, dropping his hand onto the table. "Why wouldn't they be?"

She sighed, hand running through her red hair, scratching slightly at her scalp. "I'm your mom, Kendall," she reminded him. "I'm gonna worry no matter what. But considering the fact that you're currently dating an older man who lives on the other side of the country and who happens to be famous, it's a little disconcerting." She turned to James, slight grimace on her face, apology in her eyes. "I'm sure you can understand my worries. I just need to make sure your intentions towards my son are good and that you aren't taking advantage of a vulnerable teenage boy."

Said teenage boy wanted to point out that he was turning eighteen in a couple months and that he wasn't some weak little pissant like she was making him out to be. But a hand suddenly cupped his bouncing knee, stilling it, squeezing in reassurance, and he felt his protests die in his throat before they made their way out.

"I promise you that I'm not taking advantage of your son," James vowed, free hand on his chest, completely genuine, earnest look on his face as he met her eyes. "I genuinely like Kendall. He's funny and easy to talk to and calls me on my stuff, which is something I sorely need given the fact that I'm constantly surrounded by ass-kissers. He doesn't apologize for who he is and he doesn't act like someone he isn't, which is a breath of fresh air when living in LA. I just." He paused, sighing, hand scrubbing at the back of his neck again. "I like him. A lot. I miss him when we're apart and I always count the minutes until I can call and talk to him and." Another pause, another sigh, his hand and head both dropping before he began speaking again, his words spoken lowly, that quiet tone that meant he was reluctant to say the next part, to admit it out loud. "He makes me happy, something that hasn't happened in. In _years_."

A huge grin formed on Kendall's face, growing with each word James spoke, so much so that he even felt his dimples forming in his cheeks. His heart was pounding in his chest, stomach flipping and fluttering and he wanted to throw his arms around his boyfriend and kiss him all over his face and tell him how much he loved the guy between each loud smack of the lips to that tan skin. But rather than giving in to that urge, he settled for nuzzling his head against his shoulder again, humming contently, kissing a muscular bicep. He felt the press of lips to his head and he couldn't hold back the small giggle that the action brought out of him.

"I'm pretty sure Kendall would say the same about you," his mom pointed out, the mentioned male nodding in agreement where his forehead was still pressed to a shoulder. "Which is something he needs himself. He had a pretty rough time after his step-dad left and things were dark for a while there, but it seems like he's coming out of it and I know it's thanks to you."

More nodding from the blond as he wiggled closer to his boyfriend, wishing like hell the convo could just end already so they could head somewhere else and just be alone. Not to do anything inappropriate, but just to wrap themselves up in each other and hold one another close and just be together. He was dying to hold the older man, to feel those arms embracing him and that heartbeat against his own, their breath mingling between them as they shared the same air, eyes locked and no words being exchanged because none were necessary. All they needed was each other and that was enough.

The corner of James' lips quirked up in a small smile, eyes shining in gladness and joy and something Kendall couldn't quite figure out. "Good," he replied lowly. "'Cause that's all I want, for him to be happy, and I'd do anything to make sure he stays that way."

"Anything except coming out," his mom stated bluntly, effectively ending the happy mood they'd all been in, destroying the fuzzy little bubble Kendall had been enjoying.

Awesome.

James tensed up beneath him and Kendall lifted his head to find that emotionless mask back. But his fear and anxiety was clear in his hazel-green eyes, the grimace barely noticeable in his lips, a wince pulling at the corners of his eyes. "I will. One day. Eventually," he admitted, scrubbing the back of his neck again and the blond wanted to pull his hand away before he totally rubbed all the skin away from there. "I'm just not ready right now."

Kendall kept his focus on his mom, mentally pleading with her with an imploring look to understand and not push it. She'd seen first hand how hard it was to come out and how sometimes, that bravery was met with negativity and rejection. And James would be doing this on a worldwide scale, not just his family. It would literally be a billion times worse.

He wasn't sure if his look came across or if his mom was just that understanding—probably the latter—but she nodded, lips slightly curved in a sympathetic and comprehending smile. "I get it, sweetie," she reassured him, rubbing his upper arm. "As long as you're both happy and okay with how things are, then I'm." She paused, gathering her thoughts before waving her hand dismissively. "I'm not sure I'll still be one-hundred percent comfortable with your relationship, if for no other reasons than the fact that you live so far apart and that I'm always gonna worry. But I know Kendall and I know there's no way to stop him from doing what he wants to do, like flying out to California to spend the weekend with a guy." Her voice hardened on the last part, leveling a pointed look at her son.

Kendall's face twisted into a mix of a sheepish smile and a wince, a nervous laugh huffing past his lips. "Sorry."

"Uh huh." She didn't believe him. Or maybe she did but she wasn't accepting his apology, not yet at least. "Point is, that I'm always gonna be a little unsure about things, but not enough to forbid anything or disapprove." She turned her full attention on James, holding his hand in a maternal fashion, eyes soft as she looked up at him. "You seem like a nice man. And if anyone could keep Kendall in line, it'd be you. So I'm fine with you two dating, as long as it's what you both want and makes both of you happy."

Both males nodded, Kendall almost in disbelief over what he was hearing. Then again, it wasn't like his mom would forbid them from anything just out of spite or as a punishment or some shit. She wasn't that vindictive. But still, having her approval settled something in him, made the entire situation more real, drove it home even more.

He had a _boyfriend_. And his mom _approved_ of him.

The fuck was his _life_?

"You finish your homework?"

It took Kendall a moment to realize the question was aimed at him and he shook his head to snap himself back to reality. "Almost," he answered honestly. "Maybe an hour or so left."

His mom nodded, lips pursed in consideration before she bobbed her eyebrows, mind made up. "James can stay and hang out, as long as it gets finished."

Holy. Shit.

He perked up in his chair, huge grin on his face, quick to agree with her kind offer. She added in an addendum about his chores being completed as well, something he also agreed to as he yanked James out his chair by their joined hands, the brunet just able to grab his mug before he was dragged upstairs to Kendall's room.

Kendall shut the door behind them as James put his mug on the nightstand then sank onto the bed, letting out a long heavy sigh. The blond turned around to see him sitting on the edge, hands scrubbing over his face, a slight tension in his frame.

Stepping over, he stopped in front of the larger male, standing between his spread legs before pulling his hands away and tilting his head up. He was greeted with downturned lips and dark eyes, a deep sadness mixing in those shades of brown and green, a look he never wanted to see on the other male. Ever.

"You okay?" he asked lowly, cautiously, moving his hands so they were rubbing over broad shoulders in soothing motions. "My mom wasn't too harsh on you, was she?"

The singer shook his head, breathing out a "nah" as he forced the corner of his lips up in a nervous, heavy smile. "She was great. She was." He paused, exhaling harshly, his entire body bobbing with the action. "She was a _mom_."

It hit Kendall then that James wasn't upset by his mom's behavior, but by his own mom's lack of. He already had a negative impression of the woman, remembering the brunet telling him about how she was all about appearances and was more concerned with how people perceived her than her son himself. Given that information and the larger male's current behavior, and Kendall could only conclude that James' childhood wasn't all that great, that he didn't have a warm, loving family like the blond did, that their lives were even more drastically different than he'd originally thought.

He had no clue what to do or say. There were no words. He couldn't exactly argue since he didn't know any better, couldn't tell him things were okay because they were. So instead, he wrapped his arms around broad shoulders and pulled him close, holding him and trying to make things better that way. James gave in to the embrace, burrowing his head against Kendall's stomach, his own arms wrapping around a lean waist and holding the blond close. The teenager bent over him, held him close, rubbed a hand up and down his back as he felt the brunet shudder against him, relaxing against the physical closeness.

It was another moment Kendall thought would be perfect to drop those three little words, to just say them quietly, to whisper them into the gray knit fabric covering his boyfriend's head and pressing against his lips. But he held back, kept them safe inside his own heart, not wanting to ruin the quiet of the moment. So instead, he settled for something else, something not as heavy or as serious, but just as meaningful and emotional.

"I've got you."

James gripped at the fabric of Kendall's shirt, pulling him closer as though he could get lost inside the blond. His words had been heard, understood, felt, and appreciated and they were having the right effect on his boyfriend. So while they hadn't been exactly what he'd been feeling—yet still just as true—they meant something to the brunet, something deep and touching, enough to settle him. Those three specific words weren't spoken, but the embrace was plenty for both of them.

For now.


	3. Passing Time

_**A/N: **__Okay, hey, hi, so I'm procrastinating making Christmas presents to write this chapter and post it and also I just flat out can't figure out how to get this zombie's head attached to her body (irony, right?) so hey! Update! Two very important shout-outs to make: first, majorly awesomely HUGE love to Kaizer for her BEAUTIFUL drawing that I ADORE made for this fic. BEAUTIFUL! Which I already said beautiful. Whatever, I'm tired and it's the holidays, I'm allowed to be messed up in the head. Secondly: shout-out to Linda who now owes me fanart and is partially responsible for part of this chapter with her messages over how certain Heffron Drive songs fit this 'verse. Yes, very true, and I'm mad at half that album. Also, thanks for letting me bounce ideas off you and I promise that bit we talked about is coming. Eventually. Later on. Oh and lookie, ANGST! Song credit: "Passing Time" by Heffron Drive, which is where the chapter title also comes from and also almost surpassed my obsession with the Shingeki no Kyojin OSTs. Almost. Okay, I'm done rambling. Enjoy the update! Oh! And happy first night of Chanukah! And happy early Christmas! Enjoy the gay (kinda) porn!_!

* * *

Time was a weird thing. Sometimes it seemed to fly by, like barely a second had passed when really, it was an hour or two later. Sometimes it was slow as hell and when you thought the afternoon was over, it'd only been a few minutes. But it was never _actually_ slow or fast or anything. A day was still twenty-four hours, an hour was still sixty minutes, a minute was still sixty seconds, and a second was still equivalent to "one one-thousand" or "one mississippi" or however else you counted it out loud.

Point was, Kendall had no idea how long he stood there holding James or how long James clung to him or how long they stayed in silence like that. He had no clue if it felt longer or shorter than the actual ten minutes they'd spent clutching at one another or what. He just knew that he really didn't wanna fucking let go. They were back in their little _KendallJames_ bubble and neither of them seemed too inclined to leave it.

His phone blasting out Senses Fail's "Lady in the Blue Dress" acted like a pin, a knife, something sharp and evil that burst their bubble and reminded them that reality was a thing that existed and can't be ignored forever.

Well, shit.

James lifted his head, arms sliding around until his hands were on Kendall's hips, pulling away from the leaner male. "You should get that," he mumbled, head tilted down.

The blond snorted, head bobbing with the action. "Camille can wait," he declared, knowing it was her due to the ringtone set specifically for her calls. Not that it mattered. Regardless of who it was, he wasn't answering the phone for shit. He had James all to himself, no family, no friends, no obligations. Real life could wait.

_Camille_ can wait.

The older man lifted his head, brow furrowed in confusion. "Camille?" he questioned. "The friend you met for coffee, right?"

Kendall nodded, hands on the other man's shoulders, thumbs absently rubbing along tan skin on the side of his neck. "Yeah," he replied lowly, teeth briefly sinking into his bottom lip before he continued. "She knows about us. But she won't ever say anything."

James tensed up beneath the teen's hands, adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. "You trust her?"

"With my life." He said the words with conviction, without hesitation. Because regardless of how they'd met or the fact that ninety-nine percent of their interactions and friendship had taken place over digital devices and the internet, he absolutely, one-hundred percent trusted in her. She was just as close a friend to him as Carlos and he'd grown up with the guy. He'd pick her over any of the other friends he had at school—if he could ever _consider_ them friends—for any reason.

The singer nodded, licking his lips, eyes trained downward, body still tense. The phone rang again, the same song blasting from Kendall's pocket and he resisted the urge to chuck it across the room. Instead, he calmly slid it out and hovered his thumb over the "ignore" button, only to remember.

"Shit!"

"What?" James' head popped up, eyes wide in worry, hazel-green orbs flitting back and forth between Kendall's green ones.

The younger male covered his face with his hand, groaning, dropping the hand still holding the phone to his side. "I was supposed to call her last night and tell her what was going on."

"Then you should definitely answer the phone."

He dropped his hand, staring down at the brunet with a cocked eyebrow, wondering what the hell he was smoking to suggest his boyfriend talk to some girl while they were experiencing the incredibly rare opportunity of time alone and together. "Say what now?"

The song ended as James shrugged a shoulder, only to start back up again seconds later. "Seems like she's the type to keep calling you until you finally answer and won't leave you alone until she gets through to you."

Kendall stared down at the phone, lips pursed in thought, nodding. 'Cause that was exactly who Camille was. If he didn't answer the phone at that moment, she'd start in with the twenty-thousand texts, then the five hundred twitter DMs, then she'd start bugging Carlos to see if Kendall was okay or not grounded or whatever, then she'd go back to incessantly bugging the blond through various methods before finally being able to talk.

Breathing out a swear, he flipped his green eyes up at the other male, noting how he was frowning down at the phone, too. "I can just answer and tell her I'll call back later," he suggested, shrugging nonchalantly.

"If that's what you wanna do," James replied noncommittally, not seeming bothered by it in any way.

The song stopped long enough for the blond to quirk an eyebrow and ask if his boyfriend was sure, the tone starting up once again almost immediately. The brunet nodded, pulling his arms completely away and letting them fall onto his lap.

"Yeah," he breathed out. "I'll just snoop through your stuff or something." He smirked up at the leaner male, who narrowed his eyes in suspicion while mentally running through every drawer and shelf and nook and cranny in his room, wondering if there as anything incriminating against him.

He was pretty sure he was safe. No alcohol stashed anywhere since he'd drank it all at the beginning of the summer. No pot since he hadn't bought any since before the first James Diamond concert. He'd quit cigarettes almost as soon as he'd started so none of those to worry about. Really, the only bad thing he had was lube and some condoms, but it wasn't like James wouldn't already be aware that he had those.

Bobbing his eyebrows in a dismissive manner, Kendall took a step or two back, thumb finally hitting the "answer" button on his phone before putting it to his ear. He'd barely opened his mouth before Camille yelled down the line at him.

"_Oh _now_ you answer the phone?! What the hell, Kendall? I spent half the night worrying that you were dead or grounded before finally calling Carlos and finding out that no, you're perfectly fine, and he had no clue why you weren't answering his calls either._" She sighed harshly and the blond winced under the force of her angry tone, picturing her with a hand on her hip, glaring up at him, intimidating in a way her size normally wouldn't allow.

He turned around and meandered away from James, slowly pacing about with no real destination in mind. "Yeah, about tha—"

"_You better have a damn good reason for not answering or calling back or at least sending me a fucking text! I won't accept anything less than a night spent in the hospital because you were dying._"

Spinning on a heel, Kendall peeked at the pop star still sitting on the edge of the bed, checking out the textbook that had been left open on top of the comforter. "James is in town."

Silence.

Pure silence.

Then a choking gasp of disbelief, followed by some stuttering and stammering that Kendall had no clue what words they were supposed to be, wrapped up with an incredulous "_what?!_"

The blond gripped the back of his neck, spinning away from his boyfriend as he drew out an awkward "yeeeeah". He wandered over to his window, leg kicking around as he stepped. "He, uh, he showed up last night and we spent the night together."

More silence.

"_Oh my god!_" At least it wasn't squealing. "_That's so _cute_!_" He spoke too soon.

He winced at the high-pitched screech in his ear, slightly pulling the phone away from his ear for a brief moment until it ended. "Jesus, Camille, mind the eardrums."

His comment went ignored as she went on at a high volume, excitement making her louder. "_What happened? What did you guys do? Did you ever have that fucking talk?_"

"Last night," Kendall informed her, ducking his head to hide his grin, scuffing his feet as he wandered over to his closet. "We made it official."

More. Fucking. Squealing.

And the worst part? Internally, Kendall kinda felt like squealing, too.

The realization that he was gonna have to deal with that reaction once again when he updated Carlos on everything made the urge disappear, replaced by annoyance and disbelief that those two squealy weirdos were his best friends.

"_Finally!_" Camille exclaimed, voice slightly distant, like she was yelling it to the ceiling in her overdramatic fashion.

"Yeah, but we're keeping it on the downlow," he was quick to add, finger pointed in warning, as though she was standing in front of him. "So don't say anything to anyone anywhere, all right?"

"_Of course! Not a problem, my lips are sealed, I won't breathe a word of it,_" she vowed sincerely and rambly, Kendall exhaling in relief. Not that he ever doubted that she'd keep quiet on it, but it was still nice to actually hear it and have it confirmed. "_But I'm still gonna reblog pics and photosets of you guys with tags about how much I ship you two and how you're pretty much endgame._"

"Deal," he agreed, turning to see James sitting there with an eyebrow cocked in question. He covered the bottom of his iPhone with his hand, directing his next words at his boyfriend. "Camille promised to keep quiet, but reserves the right to openly ship us on Tumblr."

The confused look just grew into a frown, James' bottom lip sticking out, brow furrowed deep. "Ship us? Like with FedEx or something?"

Okay, now Kendall was confused. "You don't know what shipping is?"

"When you send a package." He was so earnest it was adorable and Kendall had to resist the urge to kiss him all over his face for it.

Returning his attention—and his words—to his phone, he kept his eye on the brunet as he spoke. "Camille, can I call you when James leaves? I have to explain to my confused boyfriend what shipping is and how FedEx isn't involved. Or UPS," he added before the pop star could, watching the confused frown return.

A giggle sounded down the line. "_All right, but you better actually call me this time,_" she stated in a hard tone and he could perfectly picture her finger pointed at him, chocolate eyes narrowed, lips pursed.

"I will, promise."

"_Good._" The smirk was audible in her voice and he fought back one of his own, glad he wasn't on her shit list and things were okay between them again. Strange really. Just a month or so ago, he was busy trying to push people away, refusing to let anyone get close or form a connection with anyone. Now he was determined to hold on to them, refusing to think about how dark shit would get without James or Carlos or Camille in his life. Things had been bad with his previous losses; those three disappearing would probably kill him.

"_Now go have fun with your _boyfriend," she ordered, still smirking. "_And make sure you use protection!_"

He was about to argue that there was no way he was gonna have sex with anyone with his mom and sister home, but she hung up right as he'd opened his mouth. Oh well. He'd just have to make sure to point out how he did have _some_ morals and _some_ sense of self-control when it came to James.

Some.

Not a lot. But some.

Locking his iPhone, he set it on his desk, turning around and resting his ass on the edge of it, arms folded casually over his chest. Silence descended over the room, Kendall feeling awkward. What the hell did one do while hanging out with a boyfriend? So far, he and James' time alone tended to involve nakedness and orgasms—not that there was anything wrong with that—but it wasn't really an option with his mom and sister in the house. His mom had walked in on him doing a few things he'd rather her not know about. Seeing him actually having sex was something he didn't want her witnessing. Ever. At all.

"Didn't you have homework to finish?" James pointed out, causing Kendall's face to scrunch up in disgust.

The teenager let out a long suffering groan as he scuffed his way over to his bed and flopped down face first on it. Not that he was being melodramatic or anything.

A chuckle sounded out, followed by a smack to his ass that made him hiss as his cheek jiggled and his hole shuddered with the vibration, the tight rim stinging slightly from a lotta use the previous night. Not as bad as it had hurt the previous weekend, but still enough to be a little uncomfortable and put any sorta penetration off the table. Well, anything penetrating _him_ at least.

"Pretty sure that's not one of your assignments," the brunet commented, shuffling on the bed so he was sitting with his legs stretched out over the younger man's ass.

Kendall's snort was muffled by his rumpled comforter, his body rocking with the noise. "How would you know? You aren't in my classes."

A kick on his ass was James' response this time and the blond finally lifted his head to glare. "Homework," the older man ordered, motioning to the text book with his head, pointed look on his face that silently warned Kendall not to fuck with him. "Sooner it's done, the sooner we can do something else."

Another sigh as the leaner male pushed himself up, long legs falling off him with the motions. "Fine," he grumbled, moving to his feet. "But I at least better get a blow job outta this or some shit."

"We'll see" wasn't a yes, but also wasn't a no and Kendall was totally cool with accepting it as a response.

He shoved at his boyfriend, muttering at him to scoot over, that that was his side. James did so with an eyeroll, snarking back about how he wasn't aware they had assigned sides of the bed.

"Well, technically," Kendall started, getting settled on _his side_, back against the headboard, textbook on his lap. "This entire bed is mine so all of it is my side."

James smacked the back of his hand on his chest, rolling his eyes again at the snicker he got in response, before shuffling down so he was laying on his side. "I'm taking a nap," he decided, removing the beanie from his head before nuzzling into a pillow. "I'm jetlagged as hell right now."

"Go for it," the blond replied with a shrug, eyes tracing the lines of text on the open page, trying to figure out where exactly he was at before James had showed the night before. He caught movement out the corner of his eye, flicking the green orbs over to see the brunet's hand hovering in mid-air, fingers clasping and unfurling repeatedly. His own eyes were fixated on something at Kendall's waist, the teen glancing down to note nothing weird or unusual, but the teeth sunk into the singer's bottom lip meant James was debating something, his brows furrowed in confusion and thought and determination.

Deciding just to make his mind up for him, Kendall grabbed hold of his arm and wrapped it around his own waist, settling the debate. James froze all over, muscles tensed up, eyes wide. The teen felt something inside sink, his chest tightening in hurt and fear. He'd been so sure that private acts of intimacy—the non-sexual kind anyway—were okay between them, that any nerves from touching were just caused by other people around. But even cuddling in the privacy of Kendall's bedroom seemed to freak James out and he couldn't help but feel like maybe it was just because it was him, because it was Kendall he was holding, that there was something so wrong and unlovable and uncuddlable about him.

But then James relaxed, his own freak-out over. Instead, he wrapped the arm around Kendall's waist tighter, moved closer so his head was snuggled in against his hip, forehead nuzzling into denim. A satisfied sigh left the singer, his long torso pressed up against skinny legs. The sight and sound brought a small smile to the teen's face, his arm automatically moving so it was draped over broad shoulders, fingers absently running through soft brunet locks. It didn't take long for the elder male to drift off, his breathing evening out, back rising and falling with each breath.

Kendall's eyes glanced back and forth between his history textbook and his boyfriend, wondering how James' own personal history had shaped him, what exactly it was that he'd been through to make even snuggling like this in a bed such a nerve-wracking thing for him. Not that he'd ever actually ask it. He'd managed to barely catch sight of that expressionless mask the singer wore so often when things got too personal and he wasn't about to change that. Maybe one day when he was more comfortable and more assured of their situation and relationship, then he'd tell Kendall. But for now, the teen would have to make do with what he was given.

Not that it was all that hard to deal with, he thought as he looked down at the sleeping male, who'd managed to hitch a leg up over the blond's shins. He imagined a far off reality where the two of them lived together and laying tangled up in bed like this was the norm, where James would come home from the studio, tired and ready for a nap, and Kendall would...well, Kendall honestly had no clue what Kendall would do, but he'd be doing something, maybe reading something else for fun or something.

His brow furrowed as holes made themselves known in his fantasy. Even if he wasn't sure of what his personal future held for him career-wise, there was still a chance that James wouldn't be involved in it anyway. The singer could get bored of him, could decide that Kendall wasn't what he really wanted. Wouldn't be the first time something like that happened.

Shaking his head, he told that thought to just fuck right off. No one knew what the future held. Really, one could only control their present, and Kendall's present currently had a super hot guy snuggled up to him sleeping soundly. He was gonna hold on to that for as long as he fucking could.

He shoved all thoughts aside, determined to focus on his homework and pass this class. And all his classes. Because regardless of any career or celebrity boyfriends being in his future, he knew for sure that high school most definitely wouldn't fucking be part of it.

* * *

An hour later and Kendall was done with his history homework and had moved on to cussing out his calc. Because seriously, what the fuck was the point of it? And why the hell did it live to torture him? Math was fucking stupid. There was no need to have letters in it. Or imaginary numbers, whatever the fuck that was.

James woke up soon after, stretching out lazily before flopping onto his back and staring at the ceiling. Before staring at Kendall. Like a creeper. So naturally, Kendall did what anyone does in that situation: he put his textbook on top of his boyfriend's face.

"That's not getting your homework done either," James pointed out, lifting it off and smirking, dropping the heavy book back on the blond's lap.

Another groan left the teen, his head falling back against the wall. "Math is impossible. And stupid. And useless. And I hate it."

A snort of a laugh left the elder male as he slid up to a sitting position, knees drawn close to his chest, arms loosely wrapped around his legs. "Agreed," he admitted, fingercombing the hair on the top of his head. "I wouldn't have passed any class if it weren't for Logan."

"Lucky," Kendall muttered. As much as he loved Carlos, dude wasn't the brightest bulb in the box. Would've been nice to have a genius for a buddy to help him with his homework. Especially calc. Ugh.

He refocused on his homework, determined to just get the shit over with, pointedly ignoring the brunet on his left. Who was still looking at him. Brow furrowed, teeth sunk into his bottom lip, eyes narrowed and analytical as they roamed his face. Weirdo.

"Okay, seriously, do I have something on my face?" the blond demanded to know, turning to the other man with an eyebrow cocked. "Pretty sure _you_ were the one sleeping and drooling."

"I don't drool," James argued back without missing a beat, voice seeming distant, like he wasn't fully part of the conversation.

Kendall opened his mouth to further question his strange behavior, only to have the singer shake himself out of it and slip his phone out his pocket. Okay, now the blond's curiosity was focused on that instead. "Dude, who're you texting?"

"No one." Another distant answer, since James was too busy concentrating on his screen. Where he was typing. And most definitely texting.

The liar.

"Bullshit," he argued, slapping his textbook closed and dropping it onto the floor without care. "Who're you texting?"

"I'm not texting," James denied without lifting his head, thumbs still moving across the touchscreen.

Full brows furrowed into a scowl, lips twisted to the side in annoyance. "Then what're you doing?"

"Nothing."

Oh for fuck's sakes!

Done fucking around, Kendall reached for the phone, only to have James switch it to his left hand and hold it out his reach. "Oh come on, dude! Just tell me what you're doing."

The brunet finally lifted his head and looked at the younger male, smirk on his face, hazel-green eyes sparkling. "Nosy li'l shit."

"You should've seen me at Christmas when I was a kid," he remarked, lunging across James for the phone, only to be held back. "Just lemme see."

"No."

"Why not?"

"'Cause."

Kendall sat back on his heels, lips twisting in a "seriously?" kinda way. "That was lame."

James just smirked before kissing the blond's nose with a quick peck. "Oh well."

A long sigh escaped past the teen's lips, bottom lip turning down in a pout. It wasn't that big a deal or anything, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. Seemed like James was texting and for whatever reason, didn't wanna be fully honest with the younger male. Just another secret being kept from him really, like pretty much anything about his past or his family. If the singer had nothing to hide and wasn't up to no good, then he shouldn't have any issue with sharing it, or at least sharing who he was talking to. And if he wasn't texting anyone like he was claiming, then he shouldn't have a problem saying he was typing up a note of some form, lyrics or a reminder or _something_. But no. He was being shady as fuck.

And it was driving Kendall nuts.

A long moment passed between them with neither speaking, neither moving, eyes locked and not backing down. The blond feigned like he was giving up, relaxing his body, slumping slightly where he was sitting. And when the older male did the same thing, that's when he made his move.

In a flash, he lunged at James, knocking him onto his back with an "oof!", reaching for the phone that was held still out of his reach. "Just lemme see!"

"Why do you wanna see so bad?" James questioned, holding his arm over the side of the bed, the other limb trying to contain a squirming teenager on top of him.

"'Cause!" Kendall grunted, body shuffling about, chest rubbing against a broader one, leg slipping between two muscular thighs, arm straining to reach.

"You're right," the brunet muttered, head tilted up to make sure his iPhone was still outta reach. "That _was_ lame."

The younger male just whined, further squirming about to try and get a hold of the object he was dying to get, torso rubbing, thighs shuffling, hips rolling...

His breath hitched in his throat as his hips rolled just right, as his groin rubbed right against James' thigh and caused the best kind of friction. His eyes went wide before slowly slipping half-shut, a groan leaving his parted lips. Gone was the playful atmosphere, gone was the goal of trying to peek at what his boyfriend was doing on his phone, all of it replaced by a more sordid sort of tension and a goal of a more x-rated kind.

Licking his lips, Kendall flicked his eyes down to the other male's, seeing a questioning look on his face. His muscles were still tense, arm still rigid where it held the iPhone away from the blond, brow cocking up in skepticism as he clearly refused to be tricked again. But Kendall no longer cared about the phone and the mystery typing, instead more drawn to the flecks of gold in James' eyes, the way his too long lashes stood out against his tan skin, the faint flush of red spreading across the apples of his cheeks. He was gorgeous and he was Kendall's, spread out on his bed, pinned down by a leaner frame.

Cautiously, the blond rolled his hips again, breath hitching once more at the barest friction he'd created. James caught on to the current happenings, sliding his foot up along the bed, bending his knee, pressing his thigh up against his boyfriend's crotch. Kendall gasped, eyes widening again, rolling his hips down harder. His teeth sank into his bottom lip but were still unable to hold back the whimper, his cock twitching within the confines of his jeans as it hardened from their ministrations.

A dull thump sounded out from somewhere over the side of the bed, a noise Kendall couldn't place. Not that he even wanted to. Because long fingers had slid into his hair, pulling his head down to James', their lips connecting in a passionate kiss. With the elder man distracted, he was able to shift his legs, moving so he was now straddling the broader one, pressing his half-hard cock down onto a growing bulge. James groaned, breath gusting out harshly against Kendall's face, fingers tugging desperately at blond locks and making the teen echo the noise.

Kendall's hand moved to the other man's sides, slipping up under his shirt, feeling smooth skin as they slid upwards. He dragged bitten on nails down his sides before smoothing them up his torso, caressing at a ridged abdomen, scratching at flat pecs, thumbing over pebbled nipples. The noise James made at the last action could only be described as a whimper, his hips bucking up against the blond's more forcefully as choked off laughter tried to make its way past preoccupied lips.

Their motions were lazy, smooth, in no hurry to do anything or go anywhere. They took their time feeling one another, letting the flames of arousal slowly grow, letting the embers simmer as they barely added the oxygen to really make it burn. But it was perfect, Kendall getting lost in hazy sensations, his mind blurring, his focus zeroed down to just JamesJames_James_.

Which was when his mom called for him.

The brunet was the one to hear it first, freezing beneath the younger man, pulling his lips away. It took Kendall a second—or ten—to get with the program, aided by his mom yelling his name a second time.

"Fuck," he breathed out, lifting himself up off the other man, head turning towards the open door. Which...oops.

Yeah, he'd totally forgotten about that and his whole personal vow to not fool around with his boyfriend while his mom and sister were home.

But in his defense, his boyfriend was _James fucking Diamond_.

Temporary insanity 'cause his good looks drove him crazy or some bullshit like that.

Clearing his throat, he called out a "yeah?", hoping like hell she didn't need him to actually go to her, not with a half-hard cock bulging out his jeans in a very noticeable fashion. His poor mom had suffered enough having him for a son.

"Can you come here a minute?"

Shit.

Kendall grimaced as he climbed off his boyfriend, glancing down at his crotch to make sure things weren't _too_ obvious and discretely rearranging things just in case they were. Probably didn't do any good and hopefully his mom wouldn't even be looking in the first place, but it never hurt really.

He let out a sigh before tromping down the stairs, trying like hell not to make it seem like he was in a rush and so very much didn't wanna be anywhere but in his room. Although that second part would be true even without James' current position on his bed—or even in his house. Still, wasn't like he wanted his mom to know that—although she was probably already aware solely because she knew Kendall himself—and tried to make it appear as though he was being the well-behaved good son he was trying to be rather than the horny teenager who had a sex god of a boyfriend laying half-hard and willing across his bed.

Yeah, that thought wasn't helping him hide his boner.

He barely remembered the conversation with his mom by the front door, just snippets about running errands with Katie, be gone for a little while, James welcome to stay for dinner, blah blah _blah_. All that mattered was that he and James were about to be home alone and he didn't have to worry about being busted doing inappropriate shit and bye guys, drive safe!

The door had barely been shut when he'd locked it up tight and raced upstairs.

Only to find his room empty.

The bathroom door was closed so Kendall assumed James was using the facilities.

He updated the older man on what was going on, getting a "cool" in response through the still closed door. Nodding, he shuffled over to the bed, preparing to sit down, when something on the floor caught his eye.

James' phone.

The dull thud he'd heard earlier. It must've been the iPhone dropping out the singer's hand and landing on the carpet.

He picked the device up, ready to just put it on the nightstand and forget about it, only to remember James typing on it earlier. The possible mystery text or note or whatever the hell he'd been doing but lying about. Kendall's curiosity piqued once again and after a quick glance at the door, he hit the home button and slid to unlock, revealing the familiar sight of a yellow note page with tiny black type on it.

Okay, so he'd been honest about not texting anyone, but why the hell couldn't he have just told Kendall he'd been typing something else? Lyrics, from the looks of it, made obvious by the lines all grouped together.

Kendall knew he shouldn't read them, knew there was a reason why James had decided to keep it to himself rather than share. But as previously pointed out, he was a nosy little shit and if there was a chance he could get to know some facet of James in any way, even if it was just a few rushed out lines of a possible future song, he was gonna take it, was gonna take the opportunity to get a brief glimpse into his mind and his thoughts and his emotions.

Another glance at the door, a quick strain of the ears to hear what was happening and make sure there was no chance of him being busted, and he scanned the lines, lips parting and jaw dropping with each word.

"_Cause I lost my way inside the truth,  
Watching moments slipping through my hands,  
Kept getting emptier each day._

_You lit the match, shook me awake.  
The fire grew, you fanned the flames.  
It burned until the walls let in the light._

_Cause we're all passing time,  
Looking for the rush that makes us feel alive.  
Living through the moments, trapped inside a lie.  
I need you here tonight,  
Show me there's more to life,  
And we're not passing time._"

Breathing wasn't something Kendall did anymore. Just everything in him froze, shut down, ceased to work. Because that was as much of a love confession—or any sorta feelings confession—as he was ever gonna get, done in the only way a musician like James knew how to do it: through song.

Although really, there was a chance it wasn't about Kendall at all, that it was just some generic love song about some unknown, non-existent entity created outta nothing to make a beautiful piece of work, just like every other track on James' first two albums.

No, Kendall decided, catching a glimpse of when the note had been altered. That day. Moments ago. James had written this while sitting side by side with Kendall. And there were tiny clues in the words themselves that gave away who it was about: "shook me awake" when he'd just been napping against the blond; the mentions of fire and flames, the same way Kendall felt every time they touched; "I need you here tonight", almost the exact phrase James had used before Kendall had flown out to California on a whim just to be by his side.

James had written him a song. A _love_ song.

Holy shit.

The toilet flushed in the next room, water starting up in the sink as James washed his hands, breaking the trance Kendall had fallen into. Locking the phone, he put it on the nightstand and stepped away, smoothing down his shirt, rubbing his palms on the sides of his legs, hoping the guilt he felt at peeking at someone's phone, someone's _lyrics_ didn't show on his face.

But the words stayed in his head, glued to the forefront of his mind, brain creating a melody that went with the lyrics until all he could think about was that unfinished song, about how it'd been written for him by a guy he was falling for. Had fallen for. Was most likely very incredibly in love with.

And when the door opened and James stepped into the bedroom, Kendall flew at him, slamming their chests together as their lips collided in a kiss that was more passion than finesse, more need than technique.

The singer stood there stunned, a confused noise muffled out his pressed lips, hands fighting to push the blond back. His brow was furrowed in puzzlement, lips curved up at the corners in an amused smirk, a breath of laughter leaving his nose as his eyes searched the younger man's face for a clue. "What was that for?" he asked, not seeming pissed, but rather lost and entertained.

Kendall cupped the other man's face, eyes flicking back and forth between two hazel-green orbs, lips parted. The words were stuck in his throat, those three little syllables that were bubbling up from his chest, ready to spill out and fill the air with the intensity of their feelings and the magnitude of their announcement.

"_If your daddy can't love you, how can anybody else?_"

Shit. Not the time for a flashback, especially not _that one_.

But it was too late, the thought in his head, the realization that every male figure in his life—Carlos aside—left him at some point. His  
dad. His step-dad. The first guy he'd slept with and had possibly thought was in a relationship with and was even falling in love with...

Fuck, what if he was wrong about shit again? What if what he believed was love was just teenage hormones and a ridiculous libido, a sexual compatibility that didn't extend past the bedroom? What if the feelings he believed he was developing weren't returned and he was stuck stitching up another gaping wound in his heart caused by a male he'd loved?

Because James was gonna leave. It was a fact. And it wasn't just his paranoia or his abandonment issues talking, it was the absolute truth. James lived in another part of the country and toured around the world. Leaving was part of his job. And Kendall couldn't go with him, was stuck in Minnesota in high school. Not that he'd really be able to go with him if he _wasn't_ in high school, since he had a job and would most likely—hopefully—be going to college once he'd graduated.

They weren't gonna work.

And sooner or later, James was gonna realize this and leave Kendall in the metaphorical sense, not just the literal.

Panic welled up inside Kendall, bubbling and boiling, like magma ready to explode and pour out, burning it from the inside out, devastating everything it touched. His breathing was erratic, shaky, hands trembling where they slipped around to the back of James' head, fingers sliding along brown locks. God, his chest was tight. And his skin felt cold. And his heart was pounding so fast, so loud he was sure it was gonna just break through his ribs and take off running somewhere far, far away where it wouldn't get hurt anymore. Where it _couldn't_ get hurt anymore. Where _James_ couldn't hurt it.

No.

He wasn't letting his heart get away and he sure as shit wasn't letting James get away either. For the time being, he had the pop star and he was gonna hold on to him with every ounce of strength he possessed, making it so the brunet couldn't leave, even if he wanted to.

Slamming their lips together, Kendall kissed him with a desperation he'd never known before, whimpers leaving him as he struggled to get closer. His hands pulled at dark hair, torso pressing against a broader one, as though if he tried hard enough, he could actually merge with the other man and they'd never be separated. But that wasn't a possibility, so he had to settle for what he could get, for clutching at the back of James' shirt as he wrapped arms around him and held him as close as he could, as tight as he could.

The singer protested at first, hands pushing at thin shoulders, but Kendall wasn't to be deterred, wasn't about to be pushed away. He needed James like air and there was no way he could be fine without the brunet in his life. In the short time they'd known each other, James had wound himself in Kendall's soul, had enmeshed himself so deeply that there was no way to pick the threads of him out, not without ripping every stitch holding the blond together and leaving him a broken mess on the floor. But there was no way to explain this, not with words and not without making himself seem weak and pathetic, so he was left with the only option of showing it, of putting things unable to be spoken into actions.

Slipping his hands to the older man's sides, Kendall clutched at his shirt and spun him around slowly, guiding him back to the bed. With a push to the chest, James was soon laying on his back across the mattress, the blond quickly laying over him. Kendall straddled his hips as he reconnected their lips, picking up where they had left off before his mom had interrupted, only with more ferocity and determination. Because it was no longer about a slow burn; this was a raging inferno that needed to be put out before it emblazoned them both and left them ashes scattered about in the ruins of their relationship.

"_The fire grew, you fanned the flames..._"

His hands grasped desperately at James' shirt, tugging, pulling, trying to get him closer, all the while his hips pressed broader ones into the mattress. He rolled his pelvis, grinding his crotch insistently into the other male's, creating a heated friction between their hardening dicks and the jeans covering them.

But it wasn't enough, was never enough. He needed James so much closer, needed all of him, everything he had, and for always. He needed the two of them melded into one, needed to breathe in his scent, needed to feel their skin pressed together as his own flesh caught on fire. He just...he _needed_ him.

Whines escaped him, drowned out by the groans the singer was making. Their kiss was nothing more than lips hovering near each other as they exchanged pants, breathing erratic, huffed out against one another as they were both engulfed in flames. Kendall slipped his hands under James' shirt, fingers quickly finding hardened nipples, tweaking and rolling the nubs as his hips continued their motions down below.

An even louder groan made its way out James' throat, sounding harsh, nearly broken. His head tilted back, brown hair mussed by the pillow and not cared about, long neck exposed. Kendall took the offer and attached his lips to his throat, licking, biting, sucking, panting against tan flesh. He felt his own form trembling, shivers wracking his body, shaky hands sliding their way from his hips up his back. His shoulders were cupped from behind, pushing him down onto bucking hips, all rhythm lost.

All too soon, he felt the tenseness in thick muscles, felt a chest expand then stay that way, felt hips buck up and shake as his name was choked out. Kendall lifted his head just in time to see James' eyes burst open, his lips part as he panted out harshly, cheeks flushed red and skin covered in a barely there sheen of sweat. It took the blond a moment for his sex-fuzzed brain to figure out what had just happened before it all clicked into place.

Raising his torso slightly, he propped himself up on the broader male's chest, fighting the smirk threatening to form on his face. He waited until the brunet's breathing had evened out and he'd seemed to come back to himself before speaking, unable to help the teasing tone in his voice.

"Thought _I_ was the teenager in this relationship," he joked, still barely managing to keep his face straight. "Yet you just came in your pants like one."

The glare that formed on James' face was what pushed him over the edge, huge grin spreading across Kendall's features as he bust out laughing. Being shoved off his boyfriend and onto his back on the bed only made it worse, legs curling up to his torso as he chuckled loudly.

"Shut up," the singer grumbled as he sat up, pout on his face as he scowled down at the younger male.

The Grumpy Cat look just further fueled the gigglefit, the noises only stopping when he let out a startled yelp as James yanked his legs down against the bed before laying himself over the leaner one.

"Guess I'll just have to make you shut up then," he commented lowly, devious smirk on his face, naughty glint in his dark eyes.

Kendall only had time to inhale sharply once before the brunet was leaning down and sinking his teeth into the weak spot at the side of his neck as his hair was pulled at the back of his head, forcing it back and exposing more of his throat. The teen let out a long groan, hips bucking, still hard cock throbbing inside his boxers as it reminded all that it was still there.

"Fuck," the blond breathed out. "You don't play fair."

"All's fair in orgasms and war," the older man murmured, licking along the side of Kendall's throat.

He swallowed hard, his hips bucking again, starting up their previous rhythm. "Pretty sure that's not how that saying goes," he argued, hating how his voice trembled.

James just shrugged as he continued his assault on Kendall's skin, now tugging at the neck of his shirt and nibbling along his collarbone.

His teeth sank into his bottom lip as he whined, hands on broad shoulders and pushing down, trying to direct the older man lower. His actions were met with a cocked eyebrow and a questioning look, dark eyes making him shiver. "You owe me a blow job," he stated with more conviction than he felt, proud that his voice was unwavering that time.

The singer snorted, head tilted down as he watched his own hands slide Kendall's shirt up his torso, exposing a pale stomach. "Don't remember agreeing to that."

"I agreed to it for you."

Another snort, but then hands were amazing and miraculously and awesomely at his belt buckle, unclasping it before working on the button and zip of his jeans. Lips dragged along his abdomen, sloppy open mouth kisses randomly pressed here and there along the flesh, making him tremble and whine. "God, you're beautiful," James whispered, almost as though it was more to himself than Kendall.

He wanted to argue, to say that _James_ was the beautiful one and he was nothing more than pale skin over lanky muscles and too long limbs, but he couldn't. He wasn't sure if he was even supposed to have heard the sentiment, much less respond to it, and it felt like disagreeing with his boyfriend would ruin the moment and destroy this intimate little space they'd created, the _KendallJames_ bubble they once again found themselves inhabiting. Besides, even if he _wanted_ to argue, he couldn't. His mind was too far gone, body too worked up, and all he could even _think_ about was getting something on and/or around his dick so he could finally, _finally_ come.

Like the answer to a prayer he'd never sent up, he felt his cock gently being taken out through the slit of his boxers, precome smeared around the head and down the shaft. One stroke, two strokes, and Kendall was crying out.

"Fuck, James, _please_," he begged, not entirely sure what it was he was begging for. He just knew he needed, _needed_ James and that he'd do damn near anything to make it happen. And keep happening.

Warm, wet heat enveloped the head of his cock and he gasped out in pleasure and relief. He looked down to see his fingers tangled in brown hair, his other hand grasping desperately at James' shirt, his dick disappearing into a mouth that held more talents than just singing. More of him slid inside, the hard flesh sucked on, like the brunet was just as desperate for Kendall. He felt fingers digging into his bare sides and he wondered if maybe it was true, maybe James needed him as badly as he needed James.

But then a tongue flicked the bundle of nerves under the head and then speared into his slit and stabbed into the top of his urethra and holy fucking _shit_!

"_James!_" he yelled out, body jacking up off the bed and curling over the brunet still sucking at him like he was a lifeline. He felt the pleasure coursing through his body and making every inch of him tremble and shudder, his orgasm shooting inside the other male's mouth and swallowed down.

Cock emptied, he flopped back onto the bed, shaking, breathing hard and erratically. He felt his cock being put away, flaps of his jeans closed over but not zipped up, James crawling up the bed to lay half on top of him. Kendall immediately gave in to the urge to wrap his arms around the other male, holding him close as possible. The brunet only tensed up for a brief moment before relaxing into the cuddle, returning the embrace as best he could as he nuzzled his head into the crook of Kendall's neck. Gripping the back of his shirt, the teen held the older male with a ferocity that almost scared him, a desperation that threatened to overtake him. Because as much as it may seem like James needed him, he knew he needed, wanted, craved, desired, _required_ the brunet even more.

He didn't care if he was unlovable. He could love enough for both of them. God knew he was scared of the whole thing ending enough for them.

Teeth sinking into his bottom lip, he fisted his fingers in the singer's shirt and held on tight, scared that if he loosened his hold even the slightest bit, the brunet would slip through his grip and never return.


End file.
